Don't Spill the Beans

I may be showing my age a bit here, but who out there remembers THIS game? 

Growing up, it was one of my favorites. I loved to play it with my brothers, stacking the beans on top, one by one, awaiting that moment when a player would finally place one too many beans on the stack and the pot would tilt and overturn, spilling everything all over the table top. 

I had not really thought about the game much. It was just one of those fun little tidbits from my childhood tucked away in my memory. Then, this week, the game took on a whole new significance for me personally. 

My life for the past couple of months has felt much like that bean pot- duty after duty, appointment after appointment, personal stress on top of personal stress. Instead of the fun game from my childhood, I found myself wondering what little thing life would throw at me that would finally be the ultimate "pot-spill" moment. What would cause me to crash to the ground emotionally? Well, this weekend that pot spilled!

A couple of months ago my husband broke his foot- his right foot- his driving foot- and that has meant that I am doing all of the driving, getting myself to work and taxiing him to his many meetings and appointments. The foot is still in a boot and is healing very slowly. As a result, it looks like I could have several more weeks of taxi duty. I also recently took on a part time job at the local elementary, a position funded through grant money and working with early childhood literacy. My daughter is in the midst of a stressful senior year of nursing school and has required some hand-holding and attention and my mother suffers from dementia. My father is her full-time care giver, but when he needs to do something out of the home, I am the one called upon to come and take care of her. The cherry on top of the whole emotional sundae is the upcoming marriage of my daughter, next August. With her in college, I am doing a lot of the "grunt work" and I am also spending spare time crocheting items to sell to help make some of the money to pay for the wedding. 

Then Friday, the final bean got placed on top of the pot- my maternal grandparent's house burned, likely by arson. My mother and father had inherited the property in February when my aunt died and Dad has been working diligently to clear it out and get it ready to sell. We had encountered some legal issues and have been working through those, but we could not get them resolved quickly enough. The house was a total loss. Already ill with bronchitis and faced with the burning of that property and the emotional trauma, I suffered my personal crash. 

I found myself emotionally and physically drained, crying to a friend and pouring out my woes. God used her in that moment. She took my hand, wrapped an arm around me, and began praying for me. With each word from her mouth, my sobs calmed a bit, my breathing eased, and my weight began lifting. God's calming spirit began filling me and I knew that I could go on. My personal "beanpot" had been uprighted- empty for now. Yes, life will begin filling it again, bean by bean, but I can always count on God to help me find my balance and come through. 

Isaiah 41:13 says, 

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

God used my friend as an earthly answer for the comfort I needed in that moment, but I need to remember that I can always call on him to offer that emotional comfort when I need it. When I find myself off-kilter and unbalanced because of life's many stresses, I need to remember to pause a moment, take a breath, and seek God's help. He can and will help me through!

Who Controls the Ocean

This morning I was reminded that God could speak to us in his own way and in his own time. I was awakened from one of the best night's sleep that I have in a very long time by a dream. I have no doubt that it was God speaking to me.

In the dream, Glenn and I were talking about how our life just wasn't the same now that the kids were grown. We were reminiscing about the trips that we had taken, the little things that we had done as a family, and all the things that the two of us had planned for our family to do when the children were growing up. We also discussed how the times that we do spend with the kids is different and how much of that time is spent helping them work through their first real "adult" things rather than enjoying experiences. We also talked about our own lives and how more of time is being spent on the daily struggles of life, rather than relaxation and down time.

In the last scene of the dream I said, "It just isn't fun anymore. It is like we are just bobbers floating on an ocean." It was then that I heard a voice in the dream say, "But remember who controls the ocean." At that instant I was awakened.

A Bobber? How in the world did my slumbering mind come up with that? I am not now, nor have I ever been a fisherman. Sure, when I was little I went fishing a time or two with my grandfather, but I definitely did not take an affinity to it. Besides, we don't normally fish in an ocean either, so why did the voice mention that?

Looking back now, I think that I was being my usual self- worrying about my children and their stability as well as our own personal stresses that life throws at us. Kari has just gone back to college to begin her sixth semester and she is sure to encounter more turmoil and stress. She has certainly had a lot of that during the first five! Keenan has just completed his first full year of "adulthood", having graduated college and found his first full-time stable job. Yet, he has already been in this new "adult world" long enough to have his eyes opened to some of the many issues that adults must deal with. As for me, I still find my time being encroached upon by things like debt and personal obligations. I suppose that I do often feel like a bobber floating away on the surface of the water, just waiting for that time when I can actually grasp back control.

And then there is the voice...... the voice reminding me who it is that controls those waters of life. It is so easy to forget that God is always there. He truly is the one in control. In Isaiah 41:10 it says,

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

That voice in my dream was God speaking to me, reassuring me that I do not need to fear or worry about the storms of life. Yes, we will be tumbled and tossed, yes there are times when we may even feel ourselves being pulled down below the surface, but God can calm those waters and restore our lives to a more stable feeling. He is the one who controls the ocean of life and I just need to remember to seek him out and call upon his name!

Pressing On....

<sup>Last week was a tough week for me. It came on the heels of a rough weekend. My daughter, who is a junior at Union College had some tough exams in her nursing class and was not thrilled at her scores. Being the mother that I am, I wanted to reach out and comfort her. Doing that effectively is not easy from over two hours away. She also had a bad experience with the cross country team. She was busy with an important meeting with her nursing professors when the team had to make the decision to go on to a meet without her. Again, my daughter reached out to her father and I for comfort and support. 

Then on Monday, came the "final blow". I had been to town to run some errands and was sitting at the end of our road, only a few hundred feet from our house, when my Toyota Rav4 got rear-ended by a pickup truck.</sup> 

<sup>Not only did my car take a hard hit; my life did also. With the car having over 145,000 miles on it, we are pretty sure that it will be totaled. I find myself sitting at home, totally dependent on my son and husband for travel assistance, and not really sure when I will have my own vehicle again.

What surprises me about the whole situation is that I am not as devastated emotionally as I expected to be. Then, yesterday at church, our minister used the following passages as part of his message.....</sup>

2 Corinthians: 4: 8-12 and 16-18

⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.



¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Life can throw all of the blows at us that it wants. People can say bad things about us and criticize us, we can suffer personal problems, and we can find ourselves tossed about on the stormy seas of our everyday lives, but we can go on. 

When my daughter's cross country team made the decision to go ahead with her she was heartbroken... for a brief moment. She shed her tears and then set about searching for a 5K in the local area, so she could still run that day. She found a 5K in a nearby town that was being used as a fundraiser for a community children's group. She put together a costume, since it was a costumed event and she was ready and waiting at the starting line that night.

That night I watched as she gave it her all, finished with one of her best times and taking the first place medal for women at the event.

She did not lose heart. She could have sat there in her dorm room, moping and feeling sorry for herself, but she didn't. She wanted to run and she did what she needed to in order to do that.

As for me and my car, I am very shocked to discover that I am learning to do without a vehicle. So much so, that I actually recommended to my husband that if the insurance company DOES decide to total mine, we should sell his car and use the proceeds from the sale along with my insurance check to get him a good reliable used car. You see, his car has over 160,000 miles on it and often has those little lights blinking on and off on the dash like a Christmas tree. I can manage. Yes, I will have to stay home more. Yes, I will have to have someone find time to take me wherever I need to go. Yes, I will have to give up some of my freedom.... BUT.... on the bright side, it will give me more time to get things done here at home and it will enable me to spend more time with whichever family member ends up chauffeuring me to and fro.

As Christians we need to remember that whatever troubles we encounter are truly momentary. As Scarlett O'Hara said, "Tomorrow is another day." It may bring sunshine; it may bring rain. But whatever it brings our way, we must not lose heart. We must keep on trudging ahead, making the most of the moments we have now, remembering always that God is there for us and will lift us up for our eternal reward. We must keep on running, keep on studying, and keep on living.

Not Finished With Me Yet....

You know that feeling..... that little voice that says, "You are NOT done! There is something else that you need to do."  Well, that voice has been speaking to me for a few days.

I love retirement, but I really have missed having a connection to school. It has been such a LARGE part of who I am as a person. Let's face it.... Of my fifty some years here on this earth more of them have been spent IN a school or classroom than OUT of one.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that God led me to retire when I did. I spent many hours praying about the decision and weighing the pros and cons. At the same time, I also feel that God has been telling me that there are still ways that I can stay connected with school and that my personal role there is not finished.

When I left school in July (and several times since) I have said that I would only go back as a substitute if it became financially necessary. Well, today I did what I never thought I would do. I completed an application to be a sub. As I walked into the building to speak with the principal about my decision I encountered several students. "Mrs. Baker!" one would squeal, while another would grab me to give me a hug. With each smile and hug it was as if I was being shown that there was still some work here for me to do.

The same thing happens in my Christian life. Though I have been a Christian since my early teens, I know that God is still working to help shape me into the wonderful creation that he intends me to be. Each day of my life here on earth he gives me some experience, some relationship, or some lesson that helps to continue to mold and make me the person he wants me to be.

In Philipians the Bible says...

I am confident that God will NOT give up on me. He will continue to work, IN ME and THROUGH ME, each and every day of my life. He can do that for you as well.

You may be struggling with something, feeling as though you have failed.... failed yourself, failed someone you know, or failed God. You may feel that God has turned his back and given up on you. That will NEVER be the case! God will continue to work in you. He will be there for you, as long as you allow him to be. Continue to pray, to seek God's guidance, and to allow him to work in you. You just may be surprised at the outcome!

Endurance......

I was struggling this morning, trying to decide what I would write about today for my "Message Monday". I should have known that the Lord would provide the inspiration!

Each day I try to set a goal for the projects that I want to complete. Today's projects involved the following: Put buttonholes and buttons on a dress that I am making for a relative, Cut and adhere vinyl to a Halloween tumbler, and Cut and adhere vinyl to a special frame for my niece who recently got married.

I was dreading the buttonholes most, so I started with those. I found my buttonhole attachment rather quickly, hunted up my machine's manual to brush up on how to do them, and set to work to attempt a trial run on scrap fabric. The results were awful! I kept trying about 10 times, with only limited success. The machine would either not sew the zig-zag stitch correctly or would stop halfway through and begin beeping at me. About the time I became very frustrated, my son walked into the room to see what was going on. I handed him the manual and had him follow along as I again attempted a buttonhole. It failed again! My son, thinking he was being helpful, said, "I don't know what is wrong. It looks like you are doing everything right." Seeing that I was going to have to cave in and make the buttonholes myself, I did a quick Google search, grabbed needle and thread, and sewed them all the old fashioned way- by hand.

One project down and I knew the vinyl projects HAD to be easier. Well..... I was wrong. The vinyl cut smoothly enough and then I set about weeding the projects. The orange vinyl weeded fine for the tumbler and I smiled to myself, thinking how quickly I would be done for the day.

As I began weeding the black vinyl for the frame, it began to stick to itself. The more I gently pulled, the messier it got, to the point that vinyl stuck to vinyl and destroyed the bottom third of my design. Oh well, I thought to myself, no problem. I will just cut it again. That should be simple. I went to my computer, prepared the design, and cut the vinyl. I carried my new cut to the living room and sat down in the floor, knowing that this would only take a few minutes. As I looked at it, however, I soon realized that my cuts were not matching up. I had forgotten to mirror the image! A third time I returned to the computer, cut the vinyl, and finally finished my two projects.

Sometimes in our Christian life our days go like my morning. We try and try and try again, but things just don't go the way we plan or the way we would like.

Romans 5:3-5 says,

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. 

It is much easier to try things one time and then just give up. It is more difficult to suffer through our failures and continue to trudge on, attempting again and again if necessary. We may offer witness to a friend, only to have them shrug a shoulder and turn away. It is harder to go to another friend and even more difficult to return to that same friend and attempt witness again. But, if we do continue to persevere, we develop endurance and character, along with a hope that we will eventually reach that friend. 

As for me and my project....

Here is the finished product!

I persevered! I am very pleased with the final result and I am sure that it will be a blessing for my niece and her new husband. 

Where Has Time Gone?

Has it really been months since I have been on here? I know I have said it before, but life has really been putting a weight on me..... (So much for my word of the year- BALANCE....) BUT... I am hoping that this is about to change.

Here I sit, May 8, 2016- only 4 days left in my teaching career. After 31 years in the classroom, I have decided that it is officially time for me to wrap up that section of my life and enter the next stage. I am actually retiring!

Here in Kentucky, teachers can retire as early as year 27 and many of them do. I stuck it out, primarily because I was concerned about money. Would I have enough in retirement to make it through each month? Would my family's needs be met? Year 30 came last year and I kept telling myself that I needed to hang on until I was 55. (That is the other milestone that Kentucky uses to determine retirement eligibility.)

Then the school year started. Changes within the system started. Around September, the yearly student angst started. By October or November I was praying, asking God for guidance. I just didn't seem as happy in the classroom anymore. I felt that I had accomplished things that I wanted to accomplish. I had taught thousands of students across a three county area, touched many lives, imparted wisdom, set examples, and stood by to cheer on my students as they succeeded. Many of my students were now parents and some of them were even stepping into classrooms alongside me. My own family was growing older, with my son graduating from college and my daughter in her second year of undergraduate school. I had discovered a new love for crocheting and was finding it difficult to make time for some of the small orders that were coming in. It just seemed right....

I find myself a bit melancholy at the thought of leaving. I have made strong friendships with the 5 teachers who formed the middle school team at my school. For the past several years we have encouraged one another, cried with one another, laughed with one another, and been through a lot. We have shared births and deaths, successes and failures, and much, much change. I have no doubt that I will be returning to visit them often (with food in hand) to catch up on the recent gossip and continue to encourage them.

I am also more than a bit happy. I am looking forward to being the teacher who VISITS the school and leaves when she wants to, not when the bell rings at the end of the day. I have a lot of plans and I look forward to following through on many of them.

I know that life will continue to throw its curve-balls in my direction- that is normal. Without it, life would get boring. I think that retirement will have me better prepared to deal with those curve-balls.

I do not know all of God's plans for me in the coming years, but I know that he will make them evident to me, if I will only take the time to listen and watch.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

God Comes Through....... Yet again!

Boy, did I need that verse! I am definitely weary at this point in my week and at this point of the school year. I was just telling someone at school today that I really need what some of my friends call a "mental health day." Actually, what I told him was that I could really use an early snow day, an unexpected electrical outage, OR a mental health day. The only problem is that I am too stubborn to take it.

Everyone talks about how we teachers get sick days. My problem is that I get them and I don't use them. Unless I am so sick that I just can't teach, I am right there in my classroom: pocket full of cough drops, full box of Kleenex on the desk, and a back-up box of sinus medication by my side. A couple of weeks ago, my sweet hubby actually called a sub and scheduled him to come in the next day so I could stay home and recover from a sinus infection that had me under the weather. I texted him back and told him not to come. I wanted to be here for my students and I was willing to suffer through another day. To me, a sick day means that you have to be down and out and unable to do your job.

Right now, as I said, I am just tired. It is a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, we just finished posting midterm grades, and I still have my students' Halloween stories that need to be read and graded.  About a week ago, we repainted our living room and entry. I vowed that I would use this as an opportunity to weed through my baskets and baskets of papers and (mostly) unnecessary things. Each evening, I go home after my 10 hour day, walk in the door, and collapse on the couch, only to sit there and stare at the boxes and baskets that are still overflowing- too tired to do much constructive purging.

Just this morning I was saying, "I need some refreshing! I need to rest! I need to have an energy REBOOT!" Then tonight the Lord came through....

I was sitting in the computer lab with several students, completing my after school services with an enrichment program when I received an email. As I clicked on it, I was thinking, "Just what I need, another meeting, some student with a question, or maybe a parent who needs something." Much to my surprise, it was a notice that I had been selected to receive the Kentucky Council of Teachers of English Middle School Teacher of the Year award.

For several seconds I was skeptical. I searched online to verify that the organization existed, that the lady who had sent the email was with the organization, and that the recognition ceremony dates were accurate. Still being doubtful, I forwarded the email to an instructional leader in our district and asked if she knew anything about it. To my shock, she responded that she had nominated me.

While my body is still physically tired, my spirit is indeed rejuvenated! Knowing that there are actually people out there who see the effort that I put into my job inspires me to continue. God knew what my spirit needed. It wasn't chocolate or flowers. It was that little nudge to say..... You DO make a difference!

3 John 1:4 

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Over the years, my children have brought me much joy. I have beamed with pride when they received awards for an academic or athletic achievement, laughed when they said or did something silly, and felt a mother's heart full of love as a dirty little hand delivered a fist full of wildflowers carefully picked just for me.

Yet, none of these can compare to the joy I feel when I see one of my children doing God's work. Today was one of those days. I sat in the wooden pew of our small country church watching as my daughter sang for the congregation. It was a simple little song that she had heard on the radio and requested, "Dad, can we learn this one? I would like to sing it at church sometime."

She arrived home late Saturday afternoon, after a particularly grueling day at college. She had just finished a placement test that will be used to determine her admission into the college of nursing. After the hour drive home, she sat down and ate a quick bite and then joined her dad to begin practicing. 2 or 3 times through was all it took. There was no doubt in my mind that she would be ready to sing at today's service.

Later last evening, she sat on the couch with me and introduced me to a blog that she has started. (Apparently, she was inspired by my attempts at a blog and created her own to share the woes of being a college student and her personal growth as a Christian.) As I read through some of her entries, I again felt my heart fill with the joy of knowing that my daughter is living her life for Christ and is already beginning to share with the world how he is blessing her. 

At this point I want to share a link to her blog. I have tried and tried to upload a video of her song, but it just isn't working. If I can get it to work at some point I will edit this post. Feel free to offer some comments and feedback on her blog to encourage her. If you know a college student who might be interested in following her blog, feel free to share the link with them.

A Sheep in College Clothing

Finally! Success!

Here is the video of Kari singing at church.

Hope you all enjoy it and find it a blessing!

Many Hands Make Light Work

The school year has begun and with it comes many jobs that need to be completed: copying papers, learning how to implement new computer programs, clearing out and moving rooms, making schedule changes..... it all can seem too immense, if you allow it.

My Bible study this morning was from the book of Nehemiah. As I was reading the story in Chapter 3 about how the walls were rebuilt, I was hit with a brainstorm.

In that particular chapter, various groups took a personal responsibility for rebuilding one small portion of the wall. When looking at the whole wall that needed rebuilding, it would have been very easy for them to just throw their hands in the air and say, "It can't be done!" The task before them was immense, but they realized what I have often been told, "Many hands make light work."

It isn't easy to accomplish some tasks; it would be so easy for us to just give up and think that the job lying before us was too large or too difficult to actually be completed. Yet, when we stop and work together, great things can be accomplished: houses get built, documents get written, and programs are begun.

Working together also makes it less likely that you will give up and quit. When you know that other people are counting on you and supporting you, it is much more difficult to walk away from a task at hand. My husband and I have recently begun a diet/exercise plan to try to get a little more physically fit. One of the purchases that we really want to make is to buy Fit Bits for the two of us so that we can challenge one another and others to walk more. My sweet hubby said, "I think I have a better shot at actually doing it if others are doing it with me."

Do you have a personal task that seems overwhelming? Maybe you need to ask someone else to help you. If you can't think of one, try praying for God to send you someone. That might just do the trick!

Something New

It is hard to believe that a little over 6 weeks ago I was monitoring end of the school year testing. Each day I circled the classroom, almost endlessly, monitoring my students as they took assessments designed to show what they had learned this year. Each evening I would come home and collapse on the couch, resting my feet, my body, and my brain.

It was during one such rest that I discovered something new that I just HAD to try..... Bible art journaling.

What is it?- I could explain it, but I do not think I could do it justice. Instead I will refer you to some of the many websites I discovered via Pinterest and Google.

The first of these is written by Danica: Anatomy of a Bible Art Journal. She sounds a lot like me.

The second website is written by Kristin: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Bible Journaling. I found her blog entry to be a good introduction to the process that she uses when she journals, as well as to her supplies.

There are some beautiful examples of art journal creations online. Just go to Pinterest and do a search for Bible Art Journaling. You will find literally hundreds of BEAUTIFUL blessings! While I cannot see myself coming anywhere close to the techniques and art that these wonderful women have created, I do think that I can use the journaling to help me get closer to the Lord.

I know that some people might feel hesitant about doing some of the artwork in the BIBLE.... I am still struggling a bit myself. As an English teacher, I love communicating with the book that I am reading by underlining or making notes in the margin. Over the past year I have given myself permission to do that in my Bible as well. There aren't many notes yet, but the ones that are written down help document my relationship with God, his promises, and his desire for my life. This quote says it better than I can.....

Think about it..... of all the books that I read, the Bible will be the one that holds the most importance for me and for my life. There is no other author that I would rather have a conversation with than God himself. These art journals can help with that.

I also think that my Bible and all of its entries will be a wonderful legacy to leave behind for my children and whatever grandchildren I may one day have. Through its words and drawings they will surely be able to catch a glimpse into my devotion to God and the role that he played in my life.

Mission number one for me is to find the ideal Journal Bible to begin my journey..... More on that to come soon. Keep watching!

Determination

I should have learned by now that God always knows when I need a little push or lesson. A couple of days ago God chose to send me just such a nudge.

I have been a little discontented with my waistline. Since turning 45 several years ago it has become increasingly difficult for me to maintain a size that I like. Weight loss commercials blame it on hormones; I sometimes blame it on my tendency to stress eat and rushing lunches at school. Whatever the reason, let's just say that I do NOT like what I see in the mirror most days.

As we neared the end of the school year I made a promise to myself that I would get back in a walking routine, in an effort to burn more calories and get a bit more physically fit. I have been adding steps into my daily schedule and my children even purchased me one of those step counters to wear on my wrist as part of my Mother's Day present. Yet, somehow things have been getting in the way- first weather and then my shins.

Every time I start walking for an extended period of time my shins begin burning and hurting. My daughter (the runner in the family) informed me that I must have a problem with shin splints. That didn't help solve the problem though.

On Wednesday I decided that I would get up early, get dressed, and be ready to walk while my daughter did her morning run. We drove to the designated parking area and got out. She took off running and I set out walking. Sure enough, two tenths of a mile into my walk, the burning began, but I kept walking.

I set my eyes on the horizon where I could see an orange shape growing smaller and smaller as my daughter ran into the distance. I kept thinking to myself, "If she can attempt to train for a half marathon, surely I can walk a mile." I pushed the button on my watch and found that I still had not reached the half mile marker. I kept walking, glancing up once more to see that my daughter was no longer there. She had run out of my line of vision, determined to run her designated length and speed.

God wants that same determination for us, in our daily lives. In Hebrews 12, verses 1 and 2 we find the following:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

God wants us to keep running the race of Christian faith, never giving up, never ceasing to trust him and the fact that he will be there- our greatest cheerleader! He has set a path for us and he wants us to stay on that path, ridding our lives of things and people who prevent us from achieving the goal he has set for us. We simply need to keep our eyes focused on that finish line- with Jesus standing there, arms outstretched ready to congratulate us for a race well run and to nourish us with the refreshing cool water of life that only he can give.

I may not shed the inches around my middle that bug me so much- but...... I plan to keep walking, exercising, and making the best me that I can. I also plan to keep delving into God's word and sharing what I have learned with others. I WILL keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. I WILL run this Christian race with perseverance!

Are You TOO Comfortable?

If you are anything like me, comfort means a lot.

My two kids hate to go shopping for clothes with me. They complain that I dress for comfort too much and constantly try to convince me that it is possible to be BOTH comfortable and stylish. Well, they may be right, but I just haven't found the right mix yet. I will take a good soft pair of well-worn jogging pants and a pullover shirt over a "stylish" outfit any day!

Shoes are another really big hangup of mine. Being a teacher, I am on my feet most of the day. My shoes have to fit me JUST RIGHT.....and they have to have enough support and cushion to help me making it through what is sometimes a 10 hour day. Even then, the first thing I do after walking in the door at home, setting my bag down, and taking my coat off is to kick off whatever shoes I wore that day. When I do find a "good" pair of shoes I will wear them every day until I practically wear them out.

What can I say? Comfort is big for me.....

But.....

Can we as Christians get TOO comfortable?

Sometimes we allow ourselves to get into a routine: Sunday morning, dress for church, sit through the sermon, sing the same songs, put the same amount of tithe in the offering each week, read our Bible (when we allow it to fit our routine), and tell a friend, "I'll keep you in my prayers."

It is comfortable; it feels good. We become used to it and we like it because it is what we are used to.

Then comes the Sunday when the sermon touches a bit too close to home, we feel that little tug in our heart telling us that we need to speak with someone about God, or someone asks us to do something for the church that we just aren't sure we are ready to try. These things make us uncomfortable. We sometimes try to ignore those feelings or whatever we are being called to do and just slip back into that comfortable, cushy Christian life that we have been used to.

When we do that, we are not only ignoring the voice of God, but we are also turning our backs on an opportunity for growth. Think about it.... When you were a teenager you may have had those occasional aches or pains in your legs like I did. My mom always called them "growing pains". My muscles were growing, lengthening, and stretching and it caused a little bit of pain. I learned to live with it. It was just a part of growth.

Our Christian life is like that. We have to experience a bit of discomfort if we are to grow as Christians. We have to hear messages that make us think, that cause us to reflect on our own life and where we are in our Christian journey. We have to be willing to accept new leadership roles within the church or step out on faith and share our talents without worrying about our possible feelings of discomfort.

Our true life as a Christian cannot begin until we accept the fact that we NEED to feel a bit of discomfort- it lets us know that we are in new territory, that we are learning something or experiencing something that will help us to continue our own personal growth. God cannot really use us if we allow ourselves to sit there in that same comfy old Christian recliner that we have been in for years. We must push ourselves to the edge of our comfort zone and be prepared to step out of that zone in order to grow and to truly experience the life that God wants us to have!

Giving Thanks

It is the time of the year when we all sit down around the table and give thanks for the many things with which we have been blessed. Televisions shows, newspapers, advertisements, and people everywhere keep talking about how thankful they are, even for the little things.

Yes.... it is Thanksgiving time, so I will do as my ancestors did and pause to give thanks.

1. First of all, I thankful for the Lord above, who saw fit to give mankind a second chance. and sent his son to bear our sins on the cross and rise again, showing us that eternal life with him really is possible. God is there for me every single day and I truly could not survive without him.

2. I am thankful for family- this year even more than most. Watching as my own father and mother suffered illness, injury, and pain has reinforced in me the need to enjoy every day that I have with them. This has been further reinforced as I watched friends lose family members in the blink of an eye. This year has also seen me leaning on my husband's shoulder a bit more than I did in the past and I am so thankful that I have had that support and love. Work and life has not always allowed us to spend a great deal of time together, but that makes the minutes we do share even more special.

3. I am thankful for my children..... God saw fit to bless me with a son and a daughter who are quickly becoming adults. I am grateful that they are young adults who are caring and kind, thinking not only of themselves but of others. I am so blessed with their giving heart- always ready and willing to assist those in need.

4. I am thankful for friends. Without their listening ears, their prayers, their smiling faces, and their words of support life would not be nearly as bright or as much fun.

5. I am thankful that I have the basic needs- food, clothing, shelter. Many people in this world aren't so lucky.

6. I am thankful that, in today's economy, I am one of those people who still has a steady job. Yes, I work long hours, sometimes too long. Yes, there are days when I find myself disappointed, and even upset, by the lack of effort exhibited by many of my students. Yes, there are days when I come home and ask myself, "Do I really have to go back?" Yet, there are also days when I would not trade my job for anything in the world. It is a steady paycheck and it allows me to touch the next generation, possibly affecting not only their intellect, but also their character.

I would like to think that it did not take a legal holiday that is printed on a calendar to bring out the gratitude in us. As for me, I can honestly say that this year I have found myself saying, "Thank you Lord," a bit more frequently. It has been a tough twelve months for me and for my family, but the good Lord has seen us through. He has always been there to hold me up, strengthen me, and remind me that he is always there for me. As the new year begins soon, I hope that I can continue to have that grateful heart- the one that always finds something to be thankful for. I want to pay attention not only to the BIG things, but to those little things.... those tiny split second smiles just when I need them, that extra dollar that I find in the pocket of a forgotten coat, and those people who take an extra second to hold the door open for me.

Won't you join me and try to find something daily that you can be thankful for?

II Corinthians 1: 8-11

8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God,who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

The last few months of my life have been a roller coaster of emotion.

In late July/early August my mother fell and ended up in the hospital. The next few days I traveled back and forth between my home and the hospital. Just as school was ready to start and I was supposed to begin teaching again, Mom was transferred to a local nursing home for continued therapy. I spent my days teaching and my evenings traveling to the nursing home to check in with her before heading home to do my daily paperwork.

As I was dealing with this I also found myself moving my daughter into college to begin her freshman year and my son to his college to begin his junior year. This left me dealing with an empty nest for the first time in 20 years.

My daughter's year has gotten off to a rough start and I have been trying to mother her through phone, text, email, and regular visits. I hate to see her suffering through the pangs of feeling friendless, behind in her classes, and struggling to maintain her high standards of academic achievement. I have often felt helpless, sitting on the other end of a phone wanting so badly to just embrace her and say, "It's going to be ok."

My class load this year has presented its own stresses. This year's groups of students have proven to be a greater challenge than I typically face. Behavior issues, student apathy, and lack of effort seem to be creating more problems for me and for my colleagues and we find ourselves feeling depressed, unsettled, and discouraged much of the time.

Then..... about 2 weeks ago I got an emergency phone call that my father had fallen and cut his face very badly. I rushed to my mother's side and waited. Hours later he returned from the emergency room with at least 23 stitches encircling the outer edge of his right eye. I spent the next 4 days with him, helping to cook for them and cleaning and dressing his wound daily. 

Just as I thought things were getting better I received another phone call Friday telling me that he was being rushed to the emergency room again. I am so glad that it turned out to only be a strained back muscle, nothing worse, but it was another jolt to my already weakened emotional state.

Through all of these challenges I have found myself thinking, "How much more will I have to face?" 

Then I thought of Job.....

He suffered the losses of his sheep, his oxen, his camels, his servants, and his children, and yet he never lost his faith in God. He kept on praising God and thanking him for being there.

These past few weeks I have found myself going to the Lord, again and again: to ask for his strength in dealing with the things that I was facing, to ask for the healing mercies on those who were suffering physically, to ask for strength for my daughter as she tries to find her own way in the new world of college, and to thank him for the many things he has done for myself and my family. 

I have no doubt that there will be continued challenges and stumbling blocks that I find in my path, but I also have no doubt that the Lord will continue to be there for me, if I only call on him. As Paul said, in 2 Corinthians, I have placed my hope in the Lord and my hope will continue to be there no matter what comes my way.

I pray that you can also place your hope in him and trust him to be your guide, your comfort, and your strength as you deal with the things that you face. 

Psalms 55:22

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.

The past few days I have found myself silently singing the words to that old standard hymn, "Leave it there, leave it there, Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there; If you trust and never doubt, He will surely bring you out— Take your burden to the Lord and leave it there."  

It has been a rough week. I won't go into it here, but let's just say that I have been facing a lot, praying a lot, and thinking a lot. I was feeling pretty unworthy and stepped on by the world. Those thoughts inevitably ended in even more prayer. I found myself returning, time and time again, to my rock- the one who could take care of everything- the Lord.

Of course, there were people near me telling me, "Don't worry," or "I am here." I know they mean that, but years of living and years of praying have shown me that the ONE SINGLE BEING who can TRULY tell me not to worry is God.

The entire time that I kept praying and praying and turning it all over to God I kept waiting and watching, hoping that I would receive some sign from him- some tangible touch other than what I was feeling inside.

On Friday, I received it.....

I walked into my classroom bright and early at 7 AM, a half hour before students would begin arriving. I set down my bags and logged into my computer. Then I did what I always do when I have a few minutes to prepare for the day- I turned on my iPod. 

There............ coming from the tiny piece of technology and reaching across the room to my heart was this song.....

A smile came to my lips and a single tear rolled down my cheek. That single tear was soon to be followed by more.....

As I was attempting to recover my composure the song ended and this song began....

If there had ever been any doubt, there was none now. God had sent me those 2 songs. He felt the weight of burden that I had been facing and he wanted to assure me that he was there for me!

 As the song continued, I smiled a huge smile, wiped away the tears, and gathered myself together. I was ready for anything! My burden had been cast upon my Lord and he had graciously accepted it, leaving me free to smile, free of care, and ready for whatever the day might bring. 

He can do the same for you...... Go to the Lord in prayer. Tell him what is weighing you down. Tell him what you are facing that you need help with. Then trust him to help carry that burden for you. Keep praying and keep watching. You just might get a sign back from him, just like I did!

No Failure in God's Eyes

Proverbs 14:23

In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.

Titus 2: 7-8

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.

This school year has gotten off to a rough start. What can I say? Class sizes are up, the work level has increased, and I am older and less tolerant of bad behaviors.

Recently, after a particularly hard week I was feeling down. I found myself asking, "Why am I not able to reach my students like I used to? Why am I such a failure?" 

Then, as usual, God spoke back to me.....

"You are trying," he said, "with all that you have. The only failure is in just talking about the problem, standing there and waiting for someone else to fix it."

So often, we as Christians feel like failures. Perhaps we have attempted to reach a certain person: praying for them, being a good Christian role model, inviting them to church, and telling them about God's ability to wash away our sins. We have continued for month after month, sometimes even year after year. The person has seemed to listen, but he or she has not responded. 

In a case like this, it is so easy to just give up and say, "I can't do anything else." 

Or perhaps we have seen a gap in our church program or community: a youth group lacking a leader, a Sunday school class that needs a teacher, a program that might assist our community in some way. It is so easy to sit and talk about the problem- but it takes guts to step up to the plate and actually attempt to do something.

God lets us know that our efforts are seen- ALL efforts are seen. We may be trying and trying and trying. We may feel that we are failing or that our time just isn't making a difference..... but God assures us that ALL toil provides profit.

There are going to be weeks when I may not reach all of my students, but I need to try to focus on the one or two whom I was able to teach- that little bit of growth is my profit. I need to remember to continue to strive to be a good role model: speaking kindly, showing personal integrity, and never giving up. 

There are going to be times in life when I feel that I am a failure in my Christian life too, but I need to remember that if I am a model of good works, then those works WILL be rewarded. The only failure is in giving up and standing by..... waiting for someone else to do the job.

Lord, help me remember that I am NOT a failure, so long as I am continuing to try!

An Empty Nest

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Listen.............. Can you hear that?.................... It is the sound of silence.

I am sitting here at the keyboard listening to every single tap, tap, tap of the keys. The background is filled with the quiet hum of the computer. Little noises like that are standing out to me so much more now that both of my children have flown the nest.

My daughter left on the 12th. Her father and I drover with her to Union College in Barbourville, Kentucky and made sure that she was all settled in what will be her home away from home for the next 4 years. Then on the morning of the 13th, my son loaded his car with clothes and the basics to move back to Bellarmine University in Louisville, Kentucky, where he is in his third year. 

That night when I arrived home from work it hit me...... the sound of silence. No television mindlessly talking away, no dishes clanging in the kitchen, no babbling conversations. Since then it hasn't gotten much better. My sweet hubby has a lot of meetings after school, leaving me at home to deal with the silence on my own. I tend to turn on either the radio or the television, just so the noise won't be so deafening.

There is one positive thing that is helping me deal with all of this...... I know that I have raised my children right. They know right from wrong, they know about the Lord, and they know what it means to be a servant for him.  

As a member of the Bellarmine Student Government, my son actually headed back to college 7 days ahead of the usual move-in day. He left early to help prepare bags for the incoming freshman class. He spent 3 days volunteering and bagging planners, pens, and other necessities for hundreds of students. He was tired at the end of the day. (I know, because he actually called to tell us about it.)

Here you can see Keenan in the center, along with some of his fellow SGA members. Those bags on the table and stacked in the background are the ones that he worked tirelessly to prepare.

Kari actually headed out early to college also. As a member of the cross country team, she was on campus undergoing training for a full week before her fellow freshmen. She has already had two opportunities to do community service.

The first came when she and her fellow team members headed to a christian camp near the college to assist with cleanup and painting. The coach posted a photo of them after they were finished.

Then, last night, Kari posted this photo on Facebook,

along with the following words: 

Today I was blessed to do service at a little United Methodist place called the Henderson Settlement in Bell County, KY. The view from the hill was incredible so I thought I would share a picture.

I am so proud of both of my children. I know that my husband and I have prepared them for whatever may come their way, and that the Lord is always right there by their side. I also know that, just like the prodigal son, they will return home ....... when they get hungry for some good home cooking, when they need more money, or when they just need to feel the comforts of home. Until then, I can deal with a little silence.

Thank You Lord!

I don't say it often enough, but Thank You, Lord!

Thank you for the wonderful family that you have given me. Thank you for a husband who so often places the needs of others before his own. Thank you for two healthy children who are able to run, play, think, and learn.  Thank you for loving parents who took me to church and made sure that I learned about you when I was young. We may not have much time together because of work and responsibilities, but the time that we do have is wonderful!

Thank you for a home with a roof over my head; so many people in this world don't have that anymore. The electrical breakers may flip, the heater may not always light, and the carpet may be old and stained, but it is OUR house and we can come home to it each night.

Thank you for a steady job; in today's economy there are many who don't have one. I may work long hours and bring home lots of paperwork. I may get stressed because of new programs and duties. I may get frustrated by students who don't seem to appreciate the education I am trying to provide for them...... but at the end of each month, there is a steady paycheck waiting for me.

Thank you for good Christian friends. They listen to me, comfort me, and support me.

Thank you Lord, for the trials that you place before me. They make me stronger and build my faith.

Thank you for the times that I stumble. It is at those times when you reach out a loving hand to pick me up and remind me that you are there WHENEVER I need you.

Thank you Lord, for everything that you have provided for me for so many years. My life has been so richly blessed.

#I Am Not

See those two smiling faces in the picture above? That's my daughter and me, after a race earlier this year. Just looking at the picture it probably appears that we are close and always have been- but pictures can be deceiving.

Kari is my second child. With her brother, Keenan, mothering just seemed to come naturally. He was more subdued, more calm, and more manageable. Our house was peaceful and I felt like I had everything under control. Then Kari was born.

 Kari has always been the more independent of the two: wanting to do things on her own, not wanting help from others, and wanting to make her own decisions. The teenage "attitude" hit early with her. (My husband and I joked that she was 10 going on 18.) I would say something to her, even calmly,  and she would tell me to stop talking so mean to her. The attitude seemed to show itself more frequently with me than it did with her father. Several times I can remember him saying, "I just wish you two could get along."

There were many tears shed and many prayers said. There were times when I just wanted to throw my hands into the air and say, "Lord, I can't go through this anymore." At times, I found myself sitting around the house with my mouth clamped tight, for fear that I would say the wrong thing and it would all explode. I really doubted my abilities as a mother.

But.... I didn't give up.

I kept on keeping on: praying for guidance from God, reading every blog out there, talking to other moms, and loving my child.

Finally, this past summer, things changed. Kari spent five weeks away from home at the Governor's Scholars Program. I missed her. She missed us. She matured. I learned to allow her to grow.

Since then, it hasn't been all peaches and cream, but it has definitely improved. Kari and I can actually talk now, but I usually let her approach me first. There are still times when Kari gets upset, but I just back away and let her calm down. If she needs me, she comes back.

Kari has also developed a much more active religious life. She is reading her Bible daily, attending Bible groups at church, and is the first one to chastise my husband and I if we miss too many activities at church ourselves.

It has taken a long time................ but with that time and God's help, I can honestly say that I am NOT a bad mother. Those doubts that flooded my mind for so many years have been washed away. It required patience, prayer, and practice............... but I now have peace with the fact that I am NOT a failure when it comes to being a mother.