No Failure in God's Eyes

Proverbs 14:23

In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty.

Titus 2: 7-8

Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.

This school year has gotten off to a rough start. What can I say? Class sizes are up, the work level has increased, and I am older and less tolerant of bad behaviors.

Recently, after a particularly hard week I was feeling down. I found myself asking, "Why am I not able to reach my students like I used to? Why am I such a failure?" 

Then, as usual, God spoke back to me.....

"You are trying," he said, "with all that you have. The only failure is in just talking about the problem, standing there and waiting for someone else to fix it."

So often, we as Christians feel like failures. Perhaps we have attempted to reach a certain person: praying for them, being a good Christian role model, inviting them to church, and telling them about God's ability to wash away our sins. We have continued for month after month, sometimes even year after year. The person has seemed to listen, but he or she has not responded. 

In a case like this, it is so easy to just give up and say, "I can't do anything else." 

Or perhaps we have seen a gap in our church program or community: a youth group lacking a leader, a Sunday school class that needs a teacher, a program that might assist our community in some way. It is so easy to sit and talk about the problem- but it takes guts to step up to the plate and actually attempt to do something.

God lets us know that our efforts are seen- ALL efforts are seen. We may be trying and trying and trying. We may feel that we are failing or that our time just isn't making a difference..... but God assures us that ALL toil provides profit.

There are going to be weeks when I may not reach all of my students, but I need to try to focus on the one or two whom I was able to teach- that little bit of growth is my profit. I need to remember to continue to strive to be a good role model: speaking kindly, showing personal integrity, and never giving up. 

There are going to be times in life when I feel that I am a failure in my Christian life too, but I need to remember that if I am a model of good works, then those works WILL be rewarded. The only failure is in giving up and standing by..... waiting for someone else to do the job.

Lord, help me remember that I am NOT a failure, so long as I am continuing to try!

#I Am Not

See those two smiling faces in the picture above? That's my daughter and me, after a race earlier this year. Just looking at the picture it probably appears that we are close and always have been- but pictures can be deceiving.

Kari is my second child. With her brother, Keenan, mothering just seemed to come naturally. He was more subdued, more calm, and more manageable. Our house was peaceful and I felt like I had everything under control. Then Kari was born.

 Kari has always been the more independent of the two: wanting to do things on her own, not wanting help from others, and wanting to make her own decisions. The teenage "attitude" hit early with her. (My husband and I joked that she was 10 going on 18.) I would say something to her, even calmly,  and she would tell me to stop talking so mean to her. The attitude seemed to show itself more frequently with me than it did with her father. Several times I can remember him saying, "I just wish you two could get along."

There were many tears shed and many prayers said. There were times when I just wanted to throw my hands into the air and say, "Lord, I can't go through this anymore." At times, I found myself sitting around the house with my mouth clamped tight, for fear that I would say the wrong thing and it would all explode. I really doubted my abilities as a mother.

But.... I didn't give up.

I kept on keeping on: praying for guidance from God, reading every blog out there, talking to other moms, and loving my child.

Finally, this past summer, things changed. Kari spent five weeks away from home at the Governor's Scholars Program. I missed her. She missed us. She matured. I learned to allow her to grow.

Since then, it hasn't been all peaches and cream, but it has definitely improved. Kari and I can actually talk now, but I usually let her approach me first. There are still times when Kari gets upset, but I just back away and let her calm down. If she needs me, she comes back.

Kari has also developed a much more active religious life. She is reading her Bible daily, attending Bible groups at church, and is the first one to chastise my husband and I if we miss too many activities at church ourselves.

It has taken a long time................ but with that time and God's help, I can honestly say that I am NOT a bad mother. Those doubts that flooded my mind for so many years have been washed away. It required patience, prayer, and practice............... but I now have peace with the fact that I am NOT a failure when it comes to being a mother.