Taking the Back Seat

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Psalms 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

I have never been good at taking a back seat. I like to be the one in control. In school I always tried to take the leadership role on group projects- that way I could monitor progress and make sure that everything was done on time and to my standards. I don't even like to sit in the back seat of the car when someone else is driving. If I am not the one behind the wheel, then I at least want to be in the front passenger seat so I have a clear vision of the road, any impending dangers, and the direction that we are going. 

I am sad to say that I often take that same position when it comes to things that I should place in God's hands. Sometimes I find myself a bit uncertain about God's plan for me at a given point in time. I THINK I know what God's will is, but then I find myself second-guessing and thinking that maybe I am reading it all wrong. Sometimes I think that I just know what needs to be done and I step in and try to do it my way.

I suppose that I come by it naturally. Most women that I know like to be in control of things too.

As I was reminded in chapter 3 of Let. It. Go. there is even biblical evidence that being in control is a characteristic shared by many women. 

Let's start with Eve herself, back there in the Garden of Eden God warned Adam "you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die." When the serpent told her that this was not the case and that it would merely open her eyes and make her like God, Eve decided to take control of the situation and eat of the fruit. Then she also offered the fruit to Adam and he ate. We all know the consequences of their actions. 

Eve isn't the only woman who went with her own desires. As Lot, his daughters, and his wife fled Sodom they were instructed not to look back and not to stop. Lot's wife decided that she had to see what was happening and, against instructions, gazed one last time upon Sodom, at which point she was turned into a pillar of salt. 

So..... now I know that there are others out there just like me..... women who like to be the one making the decisions and guiding the action.  What next?

Well....... as I was reading Chapter 3 of Karen Ehman's book there were 2 times that my "light bulb" came on.

I can try and try and try to be in charge so that things will go MY way...... but there will ALWAYS be times when things DON'T work out. At some point there is always going to be a kink in my plan, a fly in my ointment, or someone else who ends up on top. No one single person can get everything that he or she wants. Instead, I need to remember what Psalms 46:10 says. I need to be still and recognize that God has a plan too and that I need to be willing to slip into that back seat and cruise along at his speed and in his direction.

I have been asking and praying the wrong thing..............  Like some of you, no doubt, I have found myself sometimes praying, "Lord, take this from me," or "Lord, solve this problem." On page 53 of chapter 3 the light bulb came on again and let me see that I needed to be saying, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me?" or "Lord, use this to show me how I can be closer to you." 

This brought to mind a hymn from my childhood, "Nearer My God to Thee." Darkness may come, my pillow may be a stone, but God can use those circumstances to help me draw closer to him.... to learn more about his perfectly designed plan for me and for my life.

Listen closely to the words of this sweet hymn. During the coming week, look for opportunities when you can take the back seat and allow God to be the driver. Allow him to reveal his plan and his reason behind that plan. Draw nearer to God and allow him to be in control.

Choices and Control

Today I started a new book study. 

I have had the book for a while, sitting there on the shelf. I think God was just waiting for the right time for me to pick it up and start reading. Today I read the first two chapters and within those thirty three pages my heart was "poked" at least 4 to 5 times.

This book is meant for folks like me: those women who like to take charge and be in control of everything within their lives. Sometimes we get so good at controlling that we allow ourselves to venture over into territory that really isn't ours- it's God's.

Chapter one talked about some of the different faces of women who like to control....

1. The Yes Woman- A woman who always says yes when asked to do things, though it might be something that is inconvenient or that she doesn't really have time for... (OUCH, I felt that poke...) Why does she agree? Subconsciously, she agrees because she thinks that when it is her turn to ask for something, others will return the favor.

2. The Enabler- This woman goes around taking care of everyone else's problems.... The kids leave their homework at home, she will make a special run home to pick it up. Sometimes she even takes the blame for mistakes made by others. She tries to control what the world thinks about her family and those closest to her.

3. The Martyr- This woman will sometimes pout to get what she wants. If others see that her feelings are hurt, they will let her have her way- much like parents sometimes do with young children.

4. The People Pleaser- This woman is always doing what people want to make them happy. She tells people what they like to hear and may even change her mind about something simply to ease another person's feelings. (OH... did someone just tap me on the shoulder?)

I have known for a long time that I like to be in control of things. I don't like the way it feels when I give up that control. One of my best examples of this came several school years ago.

I have twenty nine years of experience within middle school classrooms- most of those were spent teaching English/Language Arts. Several years ago, the state of Kentucky decided that it was going to begin assessing arts and humanities. Yep- at the end of each school year, students would take a state assessment in reading, math, social studies, and...... art, music, dance, and drama.

Having a test which would be part of our accountability required a greater emphasis on teaching arts and humanities as well, so the administrators began tossing around ideas. One day I received word that they wanted ME to teach an arts and humanities class. WHAT? My certification may have allowed me to teach any subject grades 1 through 8, but I really didn't feel prepared. After all I could only remember one single art class and one single music class during my college years. What did I know about arts and humanities?

The next week or two were filled with many conversations..... and tears. I cried on my husband, I cried on the principal, I cried on the Superintendent, and I cried on any friend who cared enough to listen. What it came down to was this.... I didn't feel that I could do this job and I REALLY didn't want to.

Sometimes our wishes are not fulfilled and this was one of those cases. I received word that I was definitely going to be teaching humanities the next school year and I was told to make a list of items or materials that I felt were necessary. That summer was filled with lists, orders, and planning, but when school started I felt somewhat prepared.

For the next five or six school years I taught some form of a humanities class. Sometimes it was scheduled so that I kept the students for a class period all school year and other times it meant that I only saw a group for six weeks. What stayed constant through the whole thing was my dedication to the job and.... (Don't tell anyone...) my love of the job.

I remember taking students out into the hallway and lining them up in pairs to learn a simple box step, I remember the art showings of their creations, I remember watching musicals with them and talking about WHY musicals were still a valid way to depict a story, even in today's society. Most of all, I remember the yearly student musical that was presented after end-of-year testing was done.

We had three of them, each one complete with cd accompaniment and scripts. We rotated scripts each year, so students never saw the one in which they would actually perform. They did everything from costuming, to stage preparation, to acting and singing. They fussed and complained at the beginning; but, much like myself, when they finally gave up control and realized that it was going to happen, they really enjoyed it! It was one of the hardest things that I did all year, but it was also the most rewarding!

This was just one of the times in my life when I have been forced to give up control. It didn't feel good at the time. I went into it kicking, screaming, and crying..... I fought against it.... I tried to beg my way out of it. Nothing worked, yet when I finally relinquished control and accepted that it was going to happen, I found the whole experience to be one of the best in my teaching career. 

Sometimes I find myself trying to control things in my life that are really meant to be God's. There is an old saying... "Let go and Let God." I am one of those people who finds that difficult to do. I feel like I need to be constantly doing MY part to have things work out. Instead I need to trust in God to take care of whatever and just have HIS way..... That is why I am reading this book.

The subtitle on the cover says, "How to stop running the show and start walking in faith." That is what I want to do. If you too are a woman who likes to control perhaps you will want to get a copy of this book as well. I have only read 2 chapters and I can already tell you that I HIGHLY recommend it!

Just RELAX!!

Exodus 33:14

“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Matthew 11:28

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

This week I decided to focus on two of the happiness triggers rather than one; they just seem to fit together so nicely! Play and Relaxation are two things that I have not had a lot of time for lately. The last few weeks have been full of the usual end-of-school-year hustle and bustle: exams, trips, and ceremonies. Yesterday that all came to an end.

My "baby" graduated high school.

With this epic event, comes the inevitable question from family and friends---- "What will you do in the fall when the house is empty?"

You see, they know me TOO WELL!

They know that I am one of those people who is constantly on the go- planning, doing, redoing, and then planning something else. For the past few years life has been full of track meets, academic matches, school ceremonies, and school sponsored events.  Since I am a teacher, some of that won't change. I will still chaperone some dances, attend the obligatory ceremonies, and spend my usual extra hours planning my lessons or teaching after school, but much of my personal time will now be empty. I, myself, have wondered what I will do.

I am not known for my ability to play or relax. (Just ask my family.) I am the one who usually plans the vacations event by event. I usually have an itinerary all planned out and I HATE it when the weather or something else gets in the way of accomplishing those things on the list.

God doesn't want it that way, though.

He does want us (me included) to work hard to accomplish those tasks laid before us, but he also wants us to take time to relax, breathe, and just have fun. He even reminds us in the book of Genesis that HE rested on the seventh day after he had finished HIS work! 

Coming from a typical Eastern Kentucky household- rest has NEVER come second nature to me. Growing up I watched my father work long days in a strip mine, coming home with his face, hands, and clothes blackened with coal dust. He would enter the back door, set down his lunchbox, and head for the bedroom where he would exchange the coal dust stained clothing for a set with farm dust. At that point he would allow himself a brief stop for a glass of cold water before heading to the cornfield, hay field, or garden. Saturdays meant long hot days outside: planting, weeding, harvesting and for me- doing laundry, preparing meals, and washing dishes.

I entered the world of work early, as a seventh grader. My mother took a job at the local nursing home, cleaning on the 3 to 11 shift. That meant that it was my responsibility to see that supper was on the table, dishes were done, and homework was finished each night. I adopted my mother's healthy work ethic and it has served me well for many years.

But times have changed.....

Back when I was growing up we didn't have so many modern conveniences. We washed our dishes by hand, there were no microwaves, and I even remember using a ringer washer! Now I have a dishwasher, the microwave is one of our FAVORITE kitchen tools, and I couldn't make it without my automatic washer and dryer. 

These things, and others like them, have made our lives easier, allowing us to complete tasks more quickly and providing us with more free time. You might think that this would also mean more relaxing and down-time, but for a person like me, that isn't the case.

Many times I find myself sitting there on the couch, flipping through a book, flipping through the television channels, and THEN looking around the living room, trying to make sure that there isn't SOMETHING.... SOMEWHERE..... that I should be doing. I really need to stop doing that!  The dust will be there later.... (Trust me.... I have experimented.... There isn't a little elf that comes in and does the housework when I don't!)  

This week I actually allowed myself some time to relax and do something just for fun. No.... I didn't go to a water slide or play a video game. I sat down and crocheted WITHOUT a pattern. I searched through YouTube and found some videos that taught new crochet stitches that I hadn't tried before, I watched the videos, and then I got creative....

Here is the end result....

a colorful owl pillow for our high school library. (The owl is our mascot.)

Some people might not think of crocheting as relaxing, but it certainly is for me. I enjoy watching my fingers guide the hook and the yarn through loop after loop. I get an inner smile (and sometimes an outer one) as I watch my creation take shape, and I love playing with various colors and textures of yarn creating a unique end product.

I challenge you to find the thing that provides YOU with relaxing play! It might be something artistic, it might be just taking time to read a book, or it might be actually getting out and getting physical playing tennis or some other sport. Whatever it is, make time in your busy schedule to relax and to play. I leave you with one final Bible verse........

1 Timothy 6:6

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.”

This week, be Godly..... but allow yourself some time to be relaxed and content as well!