Who Controls the Ocean

This morning I was reminded that God could speak to us in his own way and in his own time. I was awakened from one of the best night's sleep that I have in a very long time by a dream. I have no doubt that it was God speaking to me.

In the dream, Glenn and I were talking about how our life just wasn't the same now that the kids were grown. We were reminiscing about the trips that we had taken, the little things that we had done as a family, and all the things that the two of us had planned for our family to do when the children were growing up. We also discussed how the times that we do spend with the kids is different and how much of that time is spent helping them work through their first real "adult" things rather than enjoying experiences. We also talked about our own lives and how more of time is being spent on the daily struggles of life, rather than relaxation and down time.

In the last scene of the dream I said, "It just isn't fun anymore. It is like we are just bobbers floating on an ocean." It was then that I heard a voice in the dream say, "But remember who controls the ocean." At that instant I was awakened.

A Bobber? How in the world did my slumbering mind come up with that? I am not now, nor have I ever been a fisherman. Sure, when I was little I went fishing a time or two with my grandfather, but I definitely did not take an affinity to it. Besides, we don't normally fish in an ocean either, so why did the voice mention that?

Looking back now, I think that I was being my usual self- worrying about my children and their stability as well as our own personal stresses that life throws at us. Kari has just gone back to college to begin her sixth semester and she is sure to encounter more turmoil and stress. She has certainly had a lot of that during the first five! Keenan has just completed his first full year of "adulthood", having graduated college and found his first full-time stable job. Yet, he has already been in this new "adult world" long enough to have his eyes opened to some of the many issues that adults must deal with. As for me, I still find my time being encroached upon by things like debt and personal obligations. I suppose that I do often feel like a bobber floating away on the surface of the water, just waiting for that time when I can actually grasp back control.

And then there is the voice...... the voice reminding me who it is that controls those waters of life. It is so easy to forget that God is always there. He truly is the one in control. In Isaiah 41:10 it says,

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

That voice in my dream was God speaking to me, reassuring me that I do not need to fear or worry about the storms of life. Yes, we will be tumbled and tossed, yes there are times when we may even feel ourselves being pulled down below the surface, but God can calm those waters and restore our lives to a more stable feeling. He is the one who controls the ocean of life and I just need to remember to seek him out and call upon his name!

What's Happening Wednesday

Hello.... my name is Stella and I am a control freak! (That probably does NOT come as a surprise to those of you who know me personally.) When it comes to projects, I am the kind of person who likes to make the decisions. I want to know the "end goal" and prefer getting step by step directions on how to get there. 

This month I decided to stretch myself and try to "loosen up" just a bit. I decided to participate in the Bernat Blanket "Mystery" Stitch-Along. With this stitch-along, "clues" or portions of the pattern are placed online each Monday in October. I do not know what each week's portion will actually look like until it is completed and I have NO IDEA what the finished project will look like. 

For a control freak like me, this is totally new territory! I normally carefully plan the colors for a project and purchase extra yarn, just in case something happens along the way. I also frequently count and recount stitches to be certain that each row or section is just perfect. I know what my finished item should look like and I have that as my final "goal". With this project, I don't have that luxury. 

I did make very deliberate yarn choices. The Stitch-along used the Bernat Blanket yarn, so soft and cushy! But it also gave me TONS of color choices. I decided to use one variegated yarn and 3 solids from that mix. Baby steps, I know..... but for me this project is my big step! 

I had to wait until one color of my yarn was delivered so I could decide in which order to use the colors. When it finally arrived I sat down with the pattern (clue) and stitched away. Here is what my blanket looked like after week 1:

Looking good, huh? Nice and bright. One would assume that the blanket was going to be round in shape, but I learned very quickly not to get too comfortable with that idea. 

When clue 2 came online, I printed it out and kept stitching. Here is what it looked like after week 2:

I have a nice looking square and I am still happy with my color choices.

AND.....

That brings us to this week, week 3. I just finished that portion of the blanket and here is what I now have:

I pause for just a minute to give you an update from this control freak. IF I had any inkling of the finished design, I think I probably would have switched the placement of the orange and purple, but I am still ok with it. I also have to confess that I did go back and count my stitches on this last round and my stitch count fell about 12 stitches short of the intended number. I am not sure where I lost those, but the blanket still looks like it is shaped correctly, so I won't agonize over it TOO much.... LOL!

As for the overall reflection on this experience, with each week it gets a teeny-tiny bit easier to do this. I am pleased with the blanket so far and I am anxious to see what the final one looks like. Allowing myself to loosen up and give over control has become a bit easier, but I don't think I am ready to totally shed the control "freak" inside me. I am, and probably always will be a control freak when it comes to my projects. 

The Time Clock of Life

Psalms 31:14-15

But I trust in you, Lord;  I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; Deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.

I have always been one of those people who likes to be on time..... no.... scratch that. I have always been one of those people who likes to be EARLY. School begins at 8? Then I feel the need to be there by 7:15. I have to log into my computers, check for those important emails about the day's events, look over my lesson plans, and prepare any handouts for that day. That's one of the reasons that I hate my early duty days. On those days I have to be in my appropriate spot in the hallway at 7:30. No time to get myself "mentally prepared" for whatever lies ahead.

I have also always been one of those people for whom a calendar or planner is a necessity. I like to know what lies ahead for the next week and, if possible, for the next month. Meetings, games, obligations.... they all need to be written down on both the family calendar and my personal planner. That way I can check on a regular basis to make sure that I am where I am supposed to be WHEN I am supposed to be.

Lately, our family calendar has looked more like this:

My daughter just finished her senior year and, between her clubs and organizations, the track & field/cross country team, senior obligations, and school obligations for both my husband and I, our time was full! 

School ended about a month ago and I really thought things might slow down a bit, but my sweet hubby took over the role of music director for the local community play. Hours and hours of practice, lighting setup, reading through scripts..... Then my son was recruited to do lighting...... He joined his dad for hours of practice, lighting setup, and meetings to discuss changes.... Then my sweet daughter agreed to help with the sound, so she rode along every night for the practices, lighting, and meetings. (You get the picture.)

To be fair, my family members are not alone in their inability to be idle. Next week is VBS and I have once again signed on as the crafts teacher. When I am home I feel the need to be constantly on the move: cleaning, cooking, or preparing crafts that I can sell at the Christmas bazaar this year. I will likely go into school at least a week early to prepare and organize my classroom and begin my yearly "mental preparation" for the task ahead.

In recent months I have been trying to be more deliberate with my choices of duties. Whenever possible I have stopped to think about, and pray about, each decision. Is it the Lord's will for me to take the duty on? Would I be doing something that would teach ME something? Would I be helping someone in need? As Psalms 31 says, my time is in God's hands. 

As I was reading another chapter of Karen Ehman's book, Let. It. Go., I was struck by the following suggestion: "Don't take on more than you can pray for." WOW! At school every day I encounter students and families who are in need of physical healing, spiritual healing, or an improved sense of self. I try to pray for as many of those as possible. With each new duty that I undertake, I find myself involved with another group. With each group I find myself faced with more and more people who are in need of my prayers. 

It goes even further than that. When my daughter joins something like the track team, my husband and I become involved too. Right now the team is facing a very difficult year. There were several long-time team members who graduated with my daughter. They now have only a limited number of runners left. On top of that, the coach has left our school system, so the team is looking for a new leader. Needless to say, the team is on my prayer list as well. 

What would our lives be like if we truly only undertook those obligations for which we could daily pray? Our calendar would definitely be a little less full, but it would also have an impact on the commitments that we do make. Surely the time that we do spend on those tasks will be more meaningful, more heartfelt, and definitely more representative of God and his unlimited love. 

What about you? Do you find yourself faced with that calendar overflowing with obligations? How do you gain control over your time while still allowing God to take the driver's seat? I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment and help us all as we fight this seemingly never-ending battle. 

Taking the Back Seat

Proverbs 19:21

Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Psalms 46:10

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

I have never been good at taking a back seat. I like to be the one in control. In school I always tried to take the leadership role on group projects- that way I could monitor progress and make sure that everything was done on time and to my standards. I don't even like to sit in the back seat of the car when someone else is driving. If I am not the one behind the wheel, then I at least want to be in the front passenger seat so I have a clear vision of the road, any impending dangers, and the direction that we are going. 

I am sad to say that I often take that same position when it comes to things that I should place in God's hands. Sometimes I find myself a bit uncertain about God's plan for me at a given point in time. I THINK I know what God's will is, but then I find myself second-guessing and thinking that maybe I am reading it all wrong. Sometimes I think that I just know what needs to be done and I step in and try to do it my way.

I suppose that I come by it naturally. Most women that I know like to be in control of things too.

As I was reminded in chapter 3 of Let. It. Go. there is even biblical evidence that being in control is a characteristic shared by many women. 

Let's start with Eve herself, back there in the Garden of Eden God warned Adam "you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die." When the serpent told her that this was not the case and that it would merely open her eyes and make her like God, Eve decided to take control of the situation and eat of the fruit. Then she also offered the fruit to Adam and he ate. We all know the consequences of their actions. 

Eve isn't the only woman who went with her own desires. As Lot, his daughters, and his wife fled Sodom they were instructed not to look back and not to stop. Lot's wife decided that she had to see what was happening and, against instructions, gazed one last time upon Sodom, at which point she was turned into a pillar of salt. 

So..... now I know that there are others out there just like me..... women who like to be the one making the decisions and guiding the action.  What next?

Well....... as I was reading Chapter 3 of Karen Ehman's book there were 2 times that my "light bulb" came on.

I can try and try and try to be in charge so that things will go MY way...... but there will ALWAYS be times when things DON'T work out. At some point there is always going to be a kink in my plan, a fly in my ointment, or someone else who ends up on top. No one single person can get everything that he or she wants. Instead, I need to remember what Psalms 46:10 says. I need to be still and recognize that God has a plan too and that I need to be willing to slip into that back seat and cruise along at his speed and in his direction.

I have been asking and praying the wrong thing..............  Like some of you, no doubt, I have found myself sometimes praying, "Lord, take this from me," or "Lord, solve this problem." On page 53 of chapter 3 the light bulb came on again and let me see that I needed to be saying, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me?" or "Lord, use this to show me how I can be closer to you." 

This brought to mind a hymn from my childhood, "Nearer My God to Thee." Darkness may come, my pillow may be a stone, but God can use those circumstances to help me draw closer to him.... to learn more about his perfectly designed plan for me and for my life.

Listen closely to the words of this sweet hymn. During the coming week, look for opportunities when you can take the back seat and allow God to be the driver. Allow him to reveal his plan and his reason behind that plan. Draw nearer to God and allow him to be in control.

Choices and Control

Today I started a new book study. 

I have had the book for a while, sitting there on the shelf. I think God was just waiting for the right time for me to pick it up and start reading. Today I read the first two chapters and within those thirty three pages my heart was "poked" at least 4 to 5 times.

This book is meant for folks like me: those women who like to take charge and be in control of everything within their lives. Sometimes we get so good at controlling that we allow ourselves to venture over into territory that really isn't ours- it's God's.

Chapter one talked about some of the different faces of women who like to control....

1. The Yes Woman- A woman who always says yes when asked to do things, though it might be something that is inconvenient or that she doesn't really have time for... (OUCH, I felt that poke...) Why does she agree? Subconsciously, she agrees because she thinks that when it is her turn to ask for something, others will return the favor.

2. The Enabler- This woman goes around taking care of everyone else's problems.... The kids leave their homework at home, she will make a special run home to pick it up. Sometimes she even takes the blame for mistakes made by others. She tries to control what the world thinks about her family and those closest to her.

3. The Martyr- This woman will sometimes pout to get what she wants. If others see that her feelings are hurt, they will let her have her way- much like parents sometimes do with young children.

4. The People Pleaser- This woman is always doing what people want to make them happy. She tells people what they like to hear and may even change her mind about something simply to ease another person's feelings. (OH... did someone just tap me on the shoulder?)

I have known for a long time that I like to be in control of things. I don't like the way it feels when I give up that control. One of my best examples of this came several school years ago.

I have twenty nine years of experience within middle school classrooms- most of those were spent teaching English/Language Arts. Several years ago, the state of Kentucky decided that it was going to begin assessing arts and humanities. Yep- at the end of each school year, students would take a state assessment in reading, math, social studies, and...... art, music, dance, and drama.

Having a test which would be part of our accountability required a greater emphasis on teaching arts and humanities as well, so the administrators began tossing around ideas. One day I received word that they wanted ME to teach an arts and humanities class. WHAT? My certification may have allowed me to teach any subject grades 1 through 8, but I really didn't feel prepared. After all I could only remember one single art class and one single music class during my college years. What did I know about arts and humanities?

The next week or two were filled with many conversations..... and tears. I cried on my husband, I cried on the principal, I cried on the Superintendent, and I cried on any friend who cared enough to listen. What it came down to was this.... I didn't feel that I could do this job and I REALLY didn't want to.

Sometimes our wishes are not fulfilled and this was one of those cases. I received word that I was definitely going to be teaching humanities the next school year and I was told to make a list of items or materials that I felt were necessary. That summer was filled with lists, orders, and planning, but when school started I felt somewhat prepared.

For the next five or six school years I taught some form of a humanities class. Sometimes it was scheduled so that I kept the students for a class period all school year and other times it meant that I only saw a group for six weeks. What stayed constant through the whole thing was my dedication to the job and.... (Don't tell anyone...) my love of the job.

I remember taking students out into the hallway and lining them up in pairs to learn a simple box step, I remember the art showings of their creations, I remember watching musicals with them and talking about WHY musicals were still a valid way to depict a story, even in today's society. Most of all, I remember the yearly student musical that was presented after end-of-year testing was done.

We had three of them, each one complete with cd accompaniment and scripts. We rotated scripts each year, so students never saw the one in which they would actually perform. They did everything from costuming, to stage preparation, to acting and singing. They fussed and complained at the beginning; but, much like myself, when they finally gave up control and realized that it was going to happen, they really enjoyed it! It was one of the hardest things that I did all year, but it was also the most rewarding!

This was just one of the times in my life when I have been forced to give up control. It didn't feel good at the time. I went into it kicking, screaming, and crying..... I fought against it.... I tried to beg my way out of it. Nothing worked, yet when I finally relinquished control and accepted that it was going to happen, I found the whole experience to be one of the best in my teaching career. 

Sometimes I find myself trying to control things in my life that are really meant to be God's. There is an old saying... "Let go and Let God." I am one of those people who finds that difficult to do. I feel like I need to be constantly doing MY part to have things work out. Instead I need to trust in God to take care of whatever and just have HIS way..... That is why I am reading this book.

The subtitle on the cover says, "How to stop running the show and start walking in faith." That is what I want to do. If you too are a woman who likes to control perhaps you will want to get a copy of this book as well. I have only read 2 chapters and I can already tell you that I HIGHLY recommend it!