Don't Spill the Beans

I may be showing my age a bit here, but who out there remembers THIS game? 

Growing up, it was one of my favorites. I loved to play it with my brothers, stacking the beans on top, one by one, awaiting that moment when a player would finally place one too many beans on the stack and the pot would tilt and overturn, spilling everything all over the table top. 

I had not really thought about the game much. It was just one of those fun little tidbits from my childhood tucked away in my memory. Then, this week, the game took on a whole new significance for me personally. 

My life for the past couple of months has felt much like that bean pot- duty after duty, appointment after appointment, personal stress on top of personal stress. Instead of the fun game from my childhood, I found myself wondering what little thing life would throw at me that would finally be the ultimate "pot-spill" moment. What would cause me to crash to the ground emotionally? Well, this weekend that pot spilled!

A couple of months ago my husband broke his foot- his right foot- his driving foot- and that has meant that I am doing all of the driving, getting myself to work and taxiing him to his many meetings and appointments. The foot is still in a boot and is healing very slowly. As a result, it looks like I could have several more weeks of taxi duty. I also recently took on a part time job at the local elementary, a position funded through grant money and working with early childhood literacy. My daughter is in the midst of a stressful senior year of nursing school and has required some hand-holding and attention and my mother suffers from dementia. My father is her full-time care giver, but when he needs to do something out of the home, I am the one called upon to come and take care of her. The cherry on top of the whole emotional sundae is the upcoming marriage of my daughter, next August. With her in college, I am doing a lot of the "grunt work" and I am also spending spare time crocheting items to sell to help make some of the money to pay for the wedding. 

Then Friday, the final bean got placed on top of the pot- my maternal grandparent's house burned, likely by arson. My mother and father had inherited the property in February when my aunt died and Dad has been working diligently to clear it out and get it ready to sell. We had encountered some legal issues and have been working through those, but we could not get them resolved quickly enough. The house was a total loss. Already ill with bronchitis and faced with the burning of that property and the emotional trauma, I suffered my personal crash. 

I found myself emotionally and physically drained, crying to a friend and pouring out my woes. God used her in that moment. She took my hand, wrapped an arm around me, and began praying for me. With each word from her mouth, my sobs calmed a bit, my breathing eased, and my weight began lifting. God's calming spirit began filling me and I knew that I could go on. My personal "beanpot" had been uprighted- empty for now. Yes, life will begin filling it again, bean by bean, but I can always count on God to help me find my balance and come through. 

Isaiah 41:13 says, 

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

God used my friend as an earthly answer for the comfort I needed in that moment, but I need to remember that I can always call on him to offer that emotional comfort when I need it. When I find myself off-kilter and unbalanced because of life's many stresses, I need to remember to pause a moment, take a breath, and seek God's help. He can and will help me through!

Where Has Time Gone?

Has it really been months since I have been on here? I know I have said it before, but life has really been putting a weight on me..... (So much for my word of the year- BALANCE....) BUT... I am hoping that this is about to change.

Here I sit, May 8, 2016- only 4 days left in my teaching career. After 31 years in the classroom, I have decided that it is officially time for me to wrap up that section of my life and enter the next stage. I am actually retiring!

Here in Kentucky, teachers can retire as early as year 27 and many of them do. I stuck it out, primarily because I was concerned about money. Would I have enough in retirement to make it through each month? Would my family's needs be met? Year 30 came last year and I kept telling myself that I needed to hang on until I was 55. (That is the other milestone that Kentucky uses to determine retirement eligibility.)

Then the school year started. Changes within the system started. Around September, the yearly student angst started. By October or November I was praying, asking God for guidance. I just didn't seem as happy in the classroom anymore. I felt that I had accomplished things that I wanted to accomplish. I had taught thousands of students across a three county area, touched many lives, imparted wisdom, set examples, and stood by to cheer on my students as they succeeded. Many of my students were now parents and some of them were even stepping into classrooms alongside me. My own family was growing older, with my son graduating from college and my daughter in her second year of undergraduate school. I had discovered a new love for crocheting and was finding it difficult to make time for some of the small orders that were coming in. It just seemed right....

I find myself a bit melancholy at the thought of leaving. I have made strong friendships with the 5 teachers who formed the middle school team at my school. For the past several years we have encouraged one another, cried with one another, laughed with one another, and been through a lot. We have shared births and deaths, successes and failures, and much, much change. I have no doubt that I will be returning to visit them often (with food in hand) to catch up on the recent gossip and continue to encourage them.

I am also more than a bit happy. I am looking forward to being the teacher who VISITS the school and leaves when she wants to, not when the bell rings at the end of the day. I have a lot of plans and I look forward to following through on many of them.

I know that life will continue to throw its curve-balls in my direction- that is normal. Without it, life would get boring. I think that retirement will have me better prepared to deal with those curve-balls.

I do not know all of God's plans for me in the coming years, but I know that he will make them evident to me, if I will only take the time to listen and watch.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Walking With God.... Literally

Deuteronomy 5:33

Walk in obedience to all that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.

A few weeks ago I went back to my doctor for a follow-up visit. Earlier in the summer he had been concerned because my blood pressure was a bit higher than it should be. The whole thing really surprised me since my blood pressure had always run a little low. The doctor had told me to return just before school started so we could see if there was any change.

The follow-up did not bring good news. My BP was still running high, so I was told to change my diet and exercise. The doctor recommended walking, something that I used to enjoy.

I racked my brain and tried to figure out HOW to fit walking into my daily schedule. I already get up far before the sun does and, with school starting, I would be there until late in the evening. I needed motivation and I needed help. 

Allow me to introduce you to the 2 (or 3) new friends that have helped me along my walking journey.

You thought I meant actual PEOPLE? Well..... there is one other person in that picture above. (An explanation will shortly follow.)

You see, I first needed some accountability. That is why I bought the FitBit. I knew that it would accurately track my steps each day as well as the amount of time I spent engaged in physical activity. It has worked wonders for me! 

I have worn the FitBit for 10 days now. On 9 of those days I actually met and slightly exceeded my goal of 10,000 steps per day. Even a sore ankle didn't stop me. I just wrapped the ankle in an ACE bandage and kept walking on.

The second thing I needed was some encouragement- some type of motivation to keep walking during those times when my body was tired and I felt like stopping. That is where the iPod comes in. I loaded a playlist with every gospel song that I could find on my computer. (Between my daughter and I, we had collected a LARGE number.) I added a good set of earphones that would allow the heavenly tunes to come straight to me- loud and clear.

That brings me to the other person on this journey with me. You can't see him in the picture above, but trust me.... he is there. GOD.... You see, while I walk I pray, I think, I listen to the music, and I allow God to speak to me. He never fails me. When I am feeling tired and my shins are beginning to ache, a tune will come on my random playlist that pushes me to keep on walking and not give up. When I am thinking of one of my children and the struggles they are having, a song will begin playing that lets me know that God is there for them AND for me.

This daily walking isn't always easy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It is my daily worship time, with God and whatever message he chooses to send me through my earphones. 

So, if you see me out there walking along the halls at school or along the roadside, seemingly lost to the rest of the world, with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step perhaps you can better understand WHY I am so happy amidst the sweat and pain. I strongly recommend this type of daily walk with God....... It has heart benefits in more than one way!

Showers of Blessings

Ezekiel 34:26

And I will make them and the places round about my hill a blessing; and I will cause the shower to come down in his season; there shall be showers of blessing.

The past week has been filled with turmoil, anxiety, and fear, but God has seen me through it and has helped renew my faith.

On July 25, my 75 year old mother fell. She had stepped up just one step and somehow slipped, taking a tumble. At the time, the only apparent injury was a pop knot on the back of her head which had not even broken the skin. For the next 3 days she continued to walk and function as she would have normally. I escorted her to the doctor where they did x-rays and CT scans and treated her arthritic knees with steroid shots. Then came Tuesday...

By Tuesday night Mom could not even use a walker. She was moving only 2 or 3 steps and her legs would give out. She had stopped eating and drinking. By Wednesday she was spending her day lying on the couch, sleeping much of the time. By Thursday we knew that it was time for further action. We took her back to her doctor, she was diagnosed with a compression fracture in her lower lumbar area, and she was admitted to a nearby hospital.

Since Thursday it has been an uphill battle: xrays, ultrasounds, IV drips, antibiotics, and scans. She was dehydrated, her sugar was high, her potassium was high, and her blood pressure was low. Once the blood pressure got regulated they began to look at every nook and cranny to see what else might be wrong. 

Sunday morning we arrived at the hospital to find that the orthopedic doctor was there. He took us to the hallway and told us that the full body scan had shown something in her throat (likely swelling or infection) and quote "something big" in her left hip. He then asked us if she had ever had cancer. 

It was at that point that fear set in. I heard the big C word and immediately began praying that her hip was broken. That I could deal with. All day Sunday I kept uttering prayers: prayers for healing mercy, prayers for less pain, prayers for God's will, and prayers for personal strength to deal with whatever came.

We got word Sunday night that they were doing an MRI to see what was going on, but Monday morning I was supposed to report back to work. I went to school early and worked in my room, like a dutiful teacher. Then, just before our meeting was to start, I went to see the principal. He was so gracious and kind. He could see that I was upset and really needed to be with Mom, so he sent me on my way.

I arrived at the hospital to learn that...... Mom was being released! The MRI had come back negative. There was NOTHING on her hip: no breaks, no fractures, no apparent lesions or cancer. When I told my husband about it he said, "But what about the scan?" I responded, "Either it was just a shadow or God took care of it." We began the process of getting Mom admitted to a nearby nursing home so she could receive therapy to get her back on her feet. Yesterday, she was actually released.

After getting Mom settled in her room and visiting awhile, I got into my car and headed home.Several miles out of town a gentle shower started to fall-

As the drops of rain gently hit the windshield of the car and the road ahead of me, I found myself mentally singing "Showers of blessing". My heart leaped for joy and I even had a second's worth of temptation to stop the car and run through the rain as I had when I was a child.

I began praising God and thanking him for his healing mercies, his strength, and his love. Just then the shower stopped and the sun peeked through the clouds. I knew that God had, once again, heard my prayer!