A Heart at Rest

I am just completing my second online Bible study through Proverbs 31 ministries and I can honestly say that I am a changed woman. Had you seen me a year ago, you would have seen a woman who spent every waking moment trying to get school work done, rushed around in whatever spare time she had to keep her home clean, tried to be at every event at school and in her daughter's life, and spent sleepless nights tossing and turning and making lists. NO LONGER!

First came the Stessed-Less Living study, which helped me to see that I truly had my priorities a bit askew. I began making daily time to do Bible study, reading, and praying. I found myself leaning on God for assistance in times of need, accepting other's help with things, and taking on less responsibility.

Then came the What Happens When Women Say Yes Bible study. Through this study, I have reached an understanding that I do not have to do major feats for God every day, month, or year. I can serve him right here, at home, with my talents. I also realized that I can continue to pray to God to reveal a greater purpose, but that I must be willing to accept that purpose when it comes and make whatever sacrifice necessary. Last Sunday, that is what our minister's message regarded: being willing to give up family, friends, home, or lifestyle if called upon by God. (Isn't it amazing how God keeps sending us the same message over and over until it finally sinks in?)

For now, I continue to pray. I continue to be willing to say, "Yes" to God at any point. I have always thought that I would wait to retire when I knew that my family's financial needs can be met; now I know that I need to retire when God shows me it is the right time. HE will provide. HE will make a way for my family's needs to be met..... as long as I am about his work and doing what he asks.

I used to think that my family would live in this home forever, until some day it was passed along to my children. But lately, I have been feeling that little tugging at my heart guiding me somewhere else. When the time comes, I have no doubt that GOD will show us just the right house, in just the right city, with just the right church for my family to serve him.

At this time in my life I feel more calm, more at peace, more restful than I have in a very long time. Don't get me wrong.... I still have those occasional spurts of, "I HAVE to get this done." I still have bouts of worry over things. BUT..... these don't last for very long. With God's help, I have a new focus, a new me. I just need to remember this adage:

As long as I rest my mind on God..... on his purpose for me......... my heart will be calm!

Yes Lord............

Lately I have been feeling a bit insignificant. I am just a mother, just a wife, just a teacher. I live and serve the Lord in a small Kentucky town that is like so many others. We have paved roads, electricity, and telephone. Most of my students even own cell phones.

For so long I have thought that being of service required something extraordinary- a mission trip, giving up your home and moving, doing something that was totally out of character just because God asked.

Well, I am here to admit that I was wrong.............

Sure, I can do any of those things and they would be in service to God, but if the opportunity doesn't come my way, I can still serve him right here, right now.

A couple of years ago, I made plans to retire from teaching. My papers were filed, I had visited the retirement office several times, the school presented me with a retirement plaque, and I had cleaned my room and shared the supplies that I had stockpiled over the years. THEN...... the axe dropped. Technicalities stepped in and my dreams of sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch were shattered. As reality set in, a small voice inside me said, "God isn't finished with you yet." Even then, the message did not sink in to my brain.

Over the past year, I have done some mental calculating..... Here in Kentucky, teachers can retire after 27 years of service, though they will not get full retirement benefits. In order to maximize your retirement dollars, you must teach until age 55. For me, that would require 34 years of teaching experience.

Last year, several times, my peers and I discussed the state of education and how it was affecting us as parents, family members, and individuals. Many times I uttered these words. "I would have to teach 6 more years. I don't think I have that many left in me." 

I realize now that maybe I have been stating that sentence incorrectly the entire time. What I should have said is, "I would have to teach 6 more years. I will have to wait and see if that is what God wants."

All of this time I have been focusing on me and what I wanted...... I wanted to stop having to deal with all of the paperwork, I wanted time to do things that I want to do, I wanted to be able to go when I wanted and just LIVE. I almost hate to admit how selfish it all sounds.

I have noticed a difference this year though......

I am not as dissatisfied with my job. The paperwork still exists...... there are still those students that I have to really stand over if I want work done...... there are still the other things that demand my time and attention. Yet, for some reason, I don't feel the stress and strain that I used to feel.

I think that I have finally REALLY turned it over to God. I have finally said, YES LORD.... I am here to teach, for however long you wish. Show me when YOU are finished with this stage of my life.

With the new realization that I AM serving God I am also noticing blessings that I hadn't seen before. Tonight there was a young man who stayed after school to get some extra help with an English lesson. There was a look of gratitude on his face that I don't often see these days. There was a "Thank you" from his mother who probably wasn't used to teachers staying after work if they weren't paid for it. There are the little smiles and hugs that I am getting from a teenage daughter with whom, not that long ago, I was usually in verbal battle.

I really AM serving God..........

As a mother

As a wife

As a teacher

As a role model

For now.................. that is enough.

Lord, when YOU are ready for me to enter the next stage of life.............. show me............ tell me...........

I am ready and waiting to say.................... YES!

Palms Up

I have spent my whole life in the church: Sunday School and VBS as a child, youth group as a teen, a young adult who attended Bible study, and now a mother who takes her own children to church and teaches VBS. Throughout those many years I have always had a connection to the women who served God.

The one who stands out in my mind the most was a Godly woman, a kind sweet grandmotherly type who was always there at every church function. She would help teach Sunday school and always had a special dish at each church potluck dinner. She always had a smile on her face and God's love beaming throughout the community through her. If you needed something, you could always call on her. Carrie spent her life in service of the Lord and she meant so much to me that, years later, I would name my own daughter after her.

Over the years I had many wonderful role models, women who devoted much of their lives to God. These women said "Yes" when God presented a need and did so in a seemingly effortless way- without fear, worry, or stress.

Why then, does it seem so difficult for me?

I truly believe that God is an ever-present force in my life. He hears me, comforts me, provides for me, and wants to direct me. I WANT to do his will. I WANT to do his work.

So what is holding me back?

For years, I have felt unworthy- after all, I am just a plain old mother, teacher, wife- one of those who goes through life doing what just comes naturally. I watched my mother get up early to cook and prepare for our family's daily life; Now I do the same. I am a normal woman. I make mistakes. I stumble over my words. I don't always know the right verse at the right time to comfort or help someone. Don't I need to be more than that? Don't I need to be more Perfect? More like those Godly women from throughout my life?

This week, during the "What Happens When Women Say Yes to God" Bible Study I realized that I DON'T!

God doesn't require a perfect woman. God doesn't require that I respond to each situation in a perfect manner. God just requires that I have a desire to serve him and a will to do what he asks.

In my youthful eyes, I saw Carrie as a perfectly Godly woman, but I am sure that there were times when she got out of bed and felt a bit too tired to go to church or a bit too bored with the same Sunday school routine. I am sure that she was not perfect- but she certainly had a perfectly willing spirit. THAT is what I want to have!

Lord, I am here--- hands open--- palms up! Ready and waiting to hear what you would have me to do. Use me to do your will. AMEN

It's That Time......

In a way, it is hard for me to believe that this time has come. It seems like only last week when I walked out that classroom door and thought to myself, "Now it's time for ME!" I had big plans for the summer, most of them being things that I wanted to do just because I had not had time during the school year. Some of them I accomplished; some of them I didn't. Whatever the case, come next Monday morning at 8 A.M. I will be sitting in a teacher's meeting contemplating the next 10 months of my life.

Last night was our annual Back-to-School event with the usual supply distribution, schedule handout, and meet and greet. I found myself remarkably calm about the whole thing. This calmness is a bit of a shock to me. After all, our school has lost several staff members due to retirement and budget cuts, likely resulting in larger class sizes and increased demands on teachers. Within the past 2 weeks our school has experienced the added loss of 2 enrichment teachers, as they found positions elsewhere. Because of this, we face the possibility of beginning the year with at least one of those positions vacant for at least a few days. I have not revised last year's class syllabus yet and I don't have lesson plans down-pat for the first weeks of school, yet I still feel an inner peace.

I think this is largely due to the fact that I now realize I have a full-time support system.

Don't get me wrong.... I always had my husband and my kids here. I knew that they would listen to my complaints, offer up advice, and even try to help with the things that caused me stress, but I had forgotten about the one person who could actually GIVE ME REST. Participating in the Stressed-Less Living Bible study this year has really helped confirm to me what I always knew.... when I need a break there is really only 1 person who can truly give it to me- the Lord.

Matthew 11: 28-30 says

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 

God WILL give me rest! Exactly when I need it............ I only need to seek him and learn about him. The first part of 2013 has seen me renewing my dedication to Bible study and devotions and it has truly been wonderful!

Being so blessed by the last online Bible study, there was no doubt in my mind that I needed to be involved in the next one. This one will focus on the book, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, by Lysa Terkeurst. Even though the Bible study begins August 4, it isn't too late for you to join us. You can check the Proverbs 31 ministry for more information. 

Here's a link:

What Happens When Women Say Yes to Go Online Bible Study