Yes Lord............

Lately I have been feeling a bit insignificant. I am just a mother, just a wife, just a teacher. I live and serve the Lord in a small Kentucky town that is like so many others. We have paved roads, electricity, and telephone. Most of my students even own cell phones.

For so long I have thought that being of service required something extraordinary- a mission trip, giving up your home and moving, doing something that was totally out of character just because God asked.

Well, I am here to admit that I was wrong.............

Sure, I can do any of those things and they would be in service to God, but if the opportunity doesn't come my way, I can still serve him right here, right now.

A couple of years ago, I made plans to retire from teaching. My papers were filed, I had visited the retirement office several times, the school presented me with a retirement plaque, and I had cleaned my room and shared the supplies that I had stockpiled over the years. THEN...... the axe dropped. Technicalities stepped in and my dreams of sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch were shattered. As reality set in, a small voice inside me said, "God isn't finished with you yet." Even then, the message did not sink in to my brain.

Over the past year, I have done some mental calculating..... Here in Kentucky, teachers can retire after 27 years of service, though they will not get full retirement benefits. In order to maximize your retirement dollars, you must teach until age 55. For me, that would require 34 years of teaching experience.

Last year, several times, my peers and I discussed the state of education and how it was affecting us as parents, family members, and individuals. Many times I uttered these words. "I would have to teach 6 more years. I don't think I have that many left in me." 

I realize now that maybe I have been stating that sentence incorrectly the entire time. What I should have said is, "I would have to teach 6 more years. I will have to wait and see if that is what God wants."

All of this time I have been focusing on me and what I wanted...... I wanted to stop having to deal with all of the paperwork, I wanted time to do things that I want to do, I wanted to be able to go when I wanted and just LIVE. I almost hate to admit how selfish it all sounds.

I have noticed a difference this year though......

I am not as dissatisfied with my job. The paperwork still exists...... there are still those students that I have to really stand over if I want work done...... there are still the other things that demand my time and attention. Yet, for some reason, I don't feel the stress and strain that I used to feel.

I think that I have finally REALLY turned it over to God. I have finally said, YES LORD.... I am here to teach, for however long you wish. Show me when YOU are finished with this stage of my life.

With the new realization that I AM serving God I am also noticing blessings that I hadn't seen before. Tonight there was a young man who stayed after school to get some extra help with an English lesson. There was a look of gratitude on his face that I don't often see these days. There was a "Thank you" from his mother who probably wasn't used to teachers staying after work if they weren't paid for it. There are the little smiles and hugs that I am getting from a teenage daughter with whom, not that long ago, I was usually in verbal battle.

I really AM serving God..........

As a mother

As a wife

As a teacher

As a role model

For now.................. that is enough.

Lord, when YOU are ready for me to enter the next stage of life.............. show me............ tell me...........

I am ready and waiting to say.................... YES!