Thank You Lord!

I don't say it often enough, but Thank You, Lord!

Thank you for the wonderful family that you have given me. Thank you for a husband who so often places the needs of others before his own. Thank you for two healthy children who are able to run, play, think, and learn.  Thank you for loving parents who took me to church and made sure that I learned about you when I was young. We may not have much time together because of work and responsibilities, but the time that we do have is wonderful!

Thank you for a home with a roof over my head; so many people in this world don't have that anymore. The electrical breakers may flip, the heater may not always light, and the carpet may be old and stained, but it is OUR house and we can come home to it each night.

Thank you for a steady job; in today's economy there are many who don't have one. I may work long hours and bring home lots of paperwork. I may get stressed because of new programs and duties. I may get frustrated by students who don't seem to appreciate the education I am trying to provide for them...... but at the end of each month, there is a steady paycheck waiting for me.

Thank you for good Christian friends. They listen to me, comfort me, and support me.

Thank you Lord, for the trials that you place before me. They make me stronger and build my faith.

Thank you for the times that I stumble. It is at those times when you reach out a loving hand to pick me up and remind me that you are there WHENEVER I need you.

Thank you Lord, for everything that you have provided for me for so many years. My life has been so richly blessed.

#I Am Not

See those two smiling faces in the picture above? That's my daughter and me, after a race earlier this year. Just looking at the picture it probably appears that we are close and always have been- but pictures can be deceiving.

Kari is my second child. With her brother, Keenan, mothering just seemed to come naturally. He was more subdued, more calm, and more manageable. Our house was peaceful and I felt like I had everything under control. Then Kari was born.

 Kari has always been the more independent of the two: wanting to do things on her own, not wanting help from others, and wanting to make her own decisions. The teenage "attitude" hit early with her. (My husband and I joked that she was 10 going on 18.) I would say something to her, even calmly,  and she would tell me to stop talking so mean to her. The attitude seemed to show itself more frequently with me than it did with her father. Several times I can remember him saying, "I just wish you two could get along."

There were many tears shed and many prayers said. There were times when I just wanted to throw my hands into the air and say, "Lord, I can't go through this anymore." At times, I found myself sitting around the house with my mouth clamped tight, for fear that I would say the wrong thing and it would all explode. I really doubted my abilities as a mother.

But.... I didn't give up.

I kept on keeping on: praying for guidance from God, reading every blog out there, talking to other moms, and loving my child.

Finally, this past summer, things changed. Kari spent five weeks away from home at the Governor's Scholars Program. I missed her. She missed us. She matured. I learned to allow her to grow.

Since then, it hasn't been all peaches and cream, but it has definitely improved. Kari and I can actually talk now, but I usually let her approach me first. There are still times when Kari gets upset, but I just back away and let her calm down. If she needs me, she comes back.

Kari has also developed a much more active religious life. She is reading her Bible daily, attending Bible groups at church, and is the first one to chastise my husband and I if we miss too many activities at church ourselves.

It has taken a long time................ but with that time and God's help, I can honestly say that I am NOT a bad mother. Those doubts that flooded my mind for so many years have been washed away. It required patience, prayer, and practice............... but I now have peace with the fact that I am NOT a failure when it comes to being a mother.

Who I Am

This week I have been thinking a lot about who I am.........................

All of those little identities that the world has given me or that I have given myself.

I think back to high school and I remember that shy little girl, the one who lived out in the country but had to travel to town to attend the only high school. That girl studied and worked hard to get every grade that she got, but was often made fun of by her classmates. As a teenager she never got asked out on dates, wasn't invited to the prom, and never really felt like she belonged in the group of students with whom she was placed by the school system. That girl is still right there inside me. She has never attended any of her high school reunions because she was never really sure that she would be accepted or welcomed.

That girl grew up and went to college, determined to show everyone that she really was smart; she really did deserve the accolades and honors that were given to her. She graduated college as the top female education student and then she headed off to HER first classroom of students. That first year was rough. Kentucky had instituted a new teacher intern program which required a visiting college professor to observe each teacher and offer critiques of their lesson planning and instruction. Though the young teacher felt like she was doing a good job, that professor never seemed to have a good thing to say about the teaching that was going on. The teacher felt good about it, the principal said that she was doing a fine job, but the professor always seemed to find things that needed to be "fixed". Even after 29 years of teaching, that struggling young teacher is still right here beside me. She shows up every time I get observed and every time that my school institutes a new program. That young teacher is always wondering, "Am I doing a good job? Why can't I reach them? What am I doing wrong?"

There has been uncertainty and doubt throughout my life: the new wife, the young mother who had very little experience with babies, the mother of a teenage girl with all of the emotional upheavals that go along with puberty. I have always been a bit of a perfectionist- struggling to be the perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect teacher...... Of course, I always fell short.

This uncertainty and self doubt has sometimes even permeated my spiritual life. I sometimes find myself asking, "Why would God use little old me? I am just a plain old country girl- I have no great stories to tell. I have no great skills that God can use." It is then that God gives me the boost of confidence that I need.

God tells me, in John 1:12,

¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—

I do believe. I have given my life to him, I AM a child of God and that is the GREATEST identity that I can have. 

As for my doubt about the quality of myself and my abilities, the Bible says, in Ephesians 2:10,

¹⁰ For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

When I read this verse, I am reminded of a t-shirt I once saw that read, "God don't make no junk." I have to keep telling myself that God did make me, he has shaped me and molded me, with a job in mind. Even with my little quirks and doubts, THAT is who I am: God's work, his product, perfectly shaped by him. He accepts me, just as I am. Perhaps now, I need to work at doing the same.

Unexpected Blessings

God always seems to know when we need that little pick-me-up, and he always seems to provide.

It has been a very long week, full of a regular week of school plus meetings, after school obligations, and other obligations added after that. There were times when I found myself wondering if I would make it through the week in one piece. My husband has been sick, my students have been rambunctious, and I have been getting more and more tired.—– But God provided me with the energy to finish and get it all done.

God always seems to do that.  God provided an opportunity for me to adjust my schedule on Thursday so that I had enough time and energy in reserve to support my daughter and participate in the 5K that she had helped sponsor. On Friday morning, just as my body was running low and I was noticing that my energy was gone, I somehow found the ability to smile and joke, just enough to boost my energy and make it through the day. Last night, God came through again.

My husband, daughter, and I headed to the annual festival that is held here in our town. We were just going to cruise the streets, say hello to old friends, allow my daughter to pick up a gift for her boyfriend, and head home. Money is tight this year, and I wanted to save some because I am travelling to see my son at his college today.

As I passed the local bank booth, I heard them saying something about giving away $100; I walked up to the tent, filled out a ticket, and even jokingly had my daughter tap it for good luck before handing it over to the lady working the table. We strolled on down the street and continued to talk with old friends when my cell phone rang.

 I didn’t recognize the number. My husband said, "Call it and see who it is," but I hesitated. Just then a voicemail came through. When I played it, I learned that God had blessed ME with the $100. This within 10 minutes of the time I had entered! When I went to pick up the money the lady at the table said, "What about that? You were just here, but we shook it up REALLY good."

Because of the blessing my son and I will enjoy a good meal today. I will reserve a crisp $10 bill for the offering plate and will thank God once again for the unexpected blessing as I place it there tomorrow.

#Priceless

This week in the online Bible study we have been using #Priceless as our keyword.  I found myself thinking back on those commercials they used to have on television where various things were "Priceless." Then the English teacher in me felt the need to consult the dictionary to see what it said.

According to Miriam Webster, Priceless has several definitions:
1. extremely valuable or important
2. very funny
3. having worth beyond price
4. costly because of rarity or quality
5. so precious that its value cannot be determined

At this point, I must admit that I am a bit of a sentimentalist. If you took the time to come to my home and search through certain boxes or drawers you would find the letters that my sweet husband wrote to me when we were dating, the cards that my daughter has made for me over the years, scraps of cloth from dresses that I made for her, my high school class ring (though it no longer fits), a dress that my aunt made for me when I was an infant (I kept it and my daughter actually wore it too, if only for a photograph), and boxes and boxes full of photos.

To an outsider, these things might seem insignificant...........

But to me, they are priceless pieces of my life.

When I pick up one of those scraps of cloth my mind can instantly flash back to the day when my daughter wore the dress: a hot Kentucky afternoon in late summer, the school Heritage Fair, she wanted so badly to enjoy the festivities, but she was sick and could do little more than lie around and drink fluids. I can instantly remember the way my heart broke for her, that motherly love oozing out.

When I open one of those letters and read the words that my husband wrote to me I can immediately remember those feelings of an emerging love that both of us experienced and the joy I felt when I glimpsed his car pulling into my driveway for our weekly visit.

As priceless as those memories are to me, they do not compare to the love that our heavenly father has for me. With all of my weaknesses, faults, and stumbles he still accepts me exactly as I am. I don't have to try to be something that I am not. Job 34:19 reminds me that God is one "who shows no partiality to princes and does not favor the rich over the poor, for they are all the works of his hands."

God loves all of us---- equally--- totally--- perfectly.

This love is truly priceless, so precious that its value cannot be determined.

When I am tired from a week at work that has been overly filled with activity, God reminds me to "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

When I am weak, hesitant to face a challenge, God's word is there to tell me that "the Lord is my strength and shield, my heart trusts in him, and he helps me." Psalm 28:7

When I make a mistake and want to run and hide, I can take solace in the fact that "neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Yes, God is always there............ He is there to comfort me, to uplift me, to encourage me, to love me................. No one can come between us. Nothing will cause him to turn his back on me. He accepts me, just as I am, warts and all.

A love like this is truly priceless.

I Believe.....

This week I started the latest Proverbs 31 online Bible study. This one focuses on the book A Confident Heart by Renee Swope. As I read the first two chapters, I found myself saying, "Ouch", more than once as I felt a nudge in my ribs saying, "Hey..... that's you she is writing about."

In Chapter one Renee wrote about not only believing IN GOD, but BELIEVING GOD. BIG difference. I was raised in the church. For as long as I can remember I was a Sunday School attendee, VBS participant, and I sat in the pew alongside Mom and Dad every Sunday morning for the worship service. I gave my heart to the Lord during a revival meeting as a teen and was baptized one bright Sunday morning. I was married in a church, took my children to Sunday school, and I continue to be a regular church attendee and helper. There is no doubt that I believe IN GOD.

I must confess however that I sometimes don't fully BELIEVE or have faith in God as I should.

One of the biggest concerns that I have had within recent years has been money. The economy has been bad, my husband retired (which lowered his income), and my son started college. I was always frugal; my children even called me a penny pincher, but all of these circumstances rolled into one have compounded my concern about money.

I know that the Bible says God will provide.....

In Matthew 6 I read....

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[a]?
²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

 In my gut, I know that this is true. I know that God will make a way for my family and I to be taken care of. He has done it before. When money was tight, an unexpected refund check would come in the mail, an extra position that paid a stipend would open up at school, or I would sell a crocheted project or two. And yet my doubt and worry continues.

I think that I just need to keep working to strengthen my faith..... I need to keep reading the Bible, praying, and just believing more. I am hoping that this study will help me with that. I would like to end the study knowing that I BELIEVE GOD just as much as I BELIEVE IN GOD.

A Heart at Rest

I am just completing my second online Bible study through Proverbs 31 ministries and I can honestly say that I am a changed woman. Had you seen me a year ago, you would have seen a woman who spent every waking moment trying to get school work done, rushed around in whatever spare time she had to keep her home clean, tried to be at every event at school and in her daughter's life, and spent sleepless nights tossing and turning and making lists. NO LONGER!

First came the Stessed-Less Living study, which helped me to see that I truly had my priorities a bit askew. I began making daily time to do Bible study, reading, and praying. I found myself leaning on God for assistance in times of need, accepting other's help with things, and taking on less responsibility.

Then came the What Happens When Women Say Yes Bible study. Through this study, I have reached an understanding that I do not have to do major feats for God every day, month, or year. I can serve him right here, at home, with my talents. I also realized that I can continue to pray to God to reveal a greater purpose, but that I must be willing to accept that purpose when it comes and make whatever sacrifice necessary. Last Sunday, that is what our minister's message regarded: being willing to give up family, friends, home, or lifestyle if called upon by God. (Isn't it amazing how God keeps sending us the same message over and over until it finally sinks in?)

For now, I continue to pray. I continue to be willing to say, "Yes" to God at any point. I have always thought that I would wait to retire when I knew that my family's financial needs can be met; now I know that I need to retire when God shows me it is the right time. HE will provide. HE will make a way for my family's needs to be met..... as long as I am about his work and doing what he asks.

I used to think that my family would live in this home forever, until some day it was passed along to my children. But lately, I have been feeling that little tugging at my heart guiding me somewhere else. When the time comes, I have no doubt that GOD will show us just the right house, in just the right city, with just the right church for my family to serve him.

At this time in my life I feel more calm, more at peace, more restful than I have in a very long time. Don't get me wrong.... I still have those occasional spurts of, "I HAVE to get this done." I still have bouts of worry over things. BUT..... these don't last for very long. With God's help, I have a new focus, a new me. I just need to remember this adage:

As long as I rest my mind on God..... on his purpose for me......... my heart will be calm!