A Glimpse of the Future

The last couple of weeks have been tough ones for me, because they have revealed a future that I am not sure I am ready for.....

A couple of weeks ago my uncle died. As I visited the funeral home on the day of his burial I found myself thinking of the inevitability of the loss of my own parents.

Then, this week, my mother celebrated her 74th birthday and I found myself returning to a local funeral home as one of my colleagues buried her mother.

I have been lucky to have both of my parents for as long as I have. My father has been through several accidents and life experiences that could have taken him from us. My mother, though in relative good health, has been experiencing memory loss in recent years and seems to be constantly experiencing some type of health issue.

Each time that I speak with Mom and she tells me that Dad isn't feeling well, my heart grips for a few seconds. I find myself wondering if he is finally experiencing some illness that could be the one that takes him away.

I know that I will never REALLY be ready to lose my parents, but this glimpse of the future has really jarred me.

Cleaning Calendar----- Trial One

Yesterday it finally happened----

After two weeks of Christmas break and an unexpected extra week of time off thanks to snow, ice, and the polar vortex, the day came when I had to return to school. This meant a return to early mornings, after school meetings, and paperwork.

But this time things were a bit different.....

When I chose my word for the year I decided to focus on evolving, changing, and rediscovering the joys of living. One of the big steps in making that happen has been to begin thinking about ways that I can actually reclaim some time for myself.

Like any other household, a large part of our time is spent cleaning. When I get started, it inevitably turns into a cleaning marathon. My daughter (Bless her heart) often complains that when I start cleaning I keep cleaning and it turns into chore after chore after chore. What might have been a Saturday afternoon of fun becomes a Saturday afternoon of exhaustion because of a Saturday morning full of cleaning.

This is the year that changes!

While cruising through Pinterest a while back I came across a great post about a Cleaning Calendar. Jennifer Scott (Bakerette as her blog is named) is a woman after my own heart. She really wanted a clean house but she wanted to break things down into smaller, more manageable bites, so she created a daily/weekly kind of breakdown that would enable her to have set things to do each day rather than try to get it all done on a Saturday.

I have downloaded her calendar, shown it to my hubby, and shared it with my daughter. This is only our second day trying to use it, but I think it may work. Things were much smoother yesterday and I actually got to relax for just a few minutes in the evening (even after our weekly after school faculty meeting).

Don't get me wrong..... the piles of things here and there are still bugging me. I have to figure out how to get dear daughter and sweet hubby to realize that stacks of things (organized though they may be) can still be clutter and need a home other than the kitchen table. Or maybe...... I will just have to change and learn to live with their stacks-------

Here is a link to the blog entry about Jennifer's Cleaning Calendar, just in case some of you would like to give it a try too!

Getting Organized: A Cleaning Calendar 

Living In-Between

A while back, I came across a description of THIS BOOK online:

I was intrigued and added it to my Christmas "wish list" that I make for my sweet hubby. On Christmas morning I found it inside one of the many packages that I received. As soon as the scraps of wrapping paper had been bagged, the new clothing had found a home in the closet, and some semblance of order had returned, I began reading.

In the weeks that have followed, I have found myself highlighting quote after quote.

I have always been one of those people who tried desperately to store away in my memory every significant moment that I could. I became a scrapbooker early in my son's life and he is now nineteen. I have book after book filled with photos and journaling documenting his achievements, his milestones, the laughter, and the tears. I continued this practice with my daughter who is now sixteen.

When I read on page 17 of the book, "Many of us fail to recognize that the best moments are the ones happening right now," I thought for a brief moment that I could pat myself on the back. After all, I had documented all of those best moments, right?

As I read on, I began to doubt myself.... I found myself agreeing that the important things, the events that really shape us are sometimes the things that we overlook- those minutes BETWEEN events.

I spent last year waiting to turn 50........... knowing that it was coming, and wondering what would change. Well, guess what? Nothing really happened. The day came, the day went, and I was the same person. That is part of the reason that I selected my word for this year- EVOLVE.

I want to take time during 2014 to really examine who I am, what is it that has shaped me, who do I want to be for the remaining years that I have? I want to enjoy each moment, not agonize over it. I want to LIVE in those in-between moments. I don't want to be one of those people that Jeff Goins talks about....... the ones who are "speeding up and skipping over, missing the important as we scan for the urgent." I want to be one of those people who is experiencing the meaningful things in life.

I have not finished the book yet; I am taking my time, trying to digest each chapter and see what the significance is for me personally, but I can honestly say that I recommend the book whole heartedly!

One Little Word....

A couple of years ago I was introduced to the concept of selecting a single word for the coming year. It was meant to be a way to help you focus on one particular aspect of your life that you wanted to change or refine..... kind of a new take on resolutions, I suppose.

Anyway, at the time I selected the word "reduce" and it worked. I took the year to focus on reducing my stress and reducing the size of my waistline. I was able to achieve both.

Last year, I didn't really join in. I just kind of drifted through the year........ living.

As I prepared to enter 2014, I wanted to once again join in the One Little Word movement, but I really wasn't very sure of the word to choose. I have spent the last week or so thinking about it and trying to decide what the one little thing would be for me for the upcoming twelve months. Finally, it came to me.....

My word for 2014 is.......

Allow me to take a minute to explain my word choice...

In looking over my life in recent years and what I wanted for the future I kept seeing a variety of elements of my life that I wanted to change. At the root of all of them was a change in ME.

I have reached that milestone age- 50. This year I will become an empty nester, as both of my children go off to college. Glenn has (semi) retired and is rediscovering his love for music, singing, and community service. I think the time has come for me to begin my own personal evolution.

I need to rediscover the things about me and about life that I love and use those to help shape my future. I need to allow myself to make changes and grow as a person... though I know that some of those changes will be difficult.

I looked up the definition of the word evolve and saw that it was "to undergo gradual change; to develop". That is exactly what I hope to accomplish this year.. I want to EVOLVE as a woman, a wife, a mother, and a human being and to allow myself to stumble a bit as I do so.  I want to take my time.... to explore just who I am at this stage in my life.... to rediscover the things that make me uniquely me... to develop into an even better version of me

Happy New Year!

I sit here on the eve of a new year.

2013 is almost over. It has been 12 months of ups and downs, things that went the way I hoped and things that didn't, blessings and hurdles that I had to overcome.

It is a time to look back on all of things that God allowed me to experience and to set goals for the upcoming year.

In the past I have made resolutions, promises to myself- some of them went fairly well, some of them were forgotten within weeks, and some of them proved to be a larger issue than I cared to deal with at that particular time.

This year I am keeping things fairly simple:

1. Try to lose those pounds that I have managed to put BACK ON since I lost it a few years ago.

I am not specifying a particular number. I think it is more of a personal comfort level. When my pants stop feeling so snug, I will know that I have reached my goal. I am not sure yet what I will do in order to shed those pounds, but my vow to myself is that I will keep on trying until I find SOMETHING that works for me.

2. Attempt to reclaim a sense of balance to my life.

 

In recent months I have found myself overwhelmed with the lack of personal time. I am finding myself doing more and more things that are related to my job: grading papers, attending meetings, writing lesson plans, researching units.... you name it and I have done.... often on the weekends or evenings when I could be spending time with my family. It has been literally MONTHS since I have enjoyed scrapbooking. That has always been my personal form of therapy. Whenever work or life got too overwhelming, I could escape to my little craft room and enjoy an hour or so with paper, glue, and photos. Allowing those creative energies to flow somehow also allowed the pent up anxiety and stress to escape my body. Without that, the stress has somehow managed to stay inside me.... creating a feeling of total imbalance.

I really want to work to find a good balance between work related duties and life. I want to enjoy my time with family and friends and I also want to have time for myself.

3. Share more of myself with others.

I have always been one of those people who enjoyed doing the "little things" to brighten the day for others. At Christmas this year I spent lots of time making handcrafted gifts for those around me. Each one was carefully planned and prepared with the recipient in mind. When I hear someone say they need something or they would like something, if I have the capability to help provide that thing, I try to step forward to fill the gap.

This year, I would like to extend that giving beyond my own little circle. I want to seek out ways that I can use the talents that God has given me to help make the lives of others a bit better. I already have a couple of projects in mind and I am anxious to get started. I know that these things won't be earth shattering in size and scope, but I also know that they will help meet a need for someone somewhere. I also know that by giving of myself, I will become a happier person. H. Jackson Brown said, "The happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more." I think that is true.

 

 

Those are my goals for 2014- In 12 months, I will sit down and examine the year. Hopefully, I will be able to speak of the successes that I have had with these efforts. Between now and then, I will try to keep you updated on my progress.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yesterday it happened....... after a year of reality checks, contemplating, and dreading........ I turned

I don't really feel fifty. My own mother said, "How old are you?" and when I told her she said, "No, you can't be."

I once heard a quote from Mark Twain who said, "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." I have decided that it really doesn't matter how old I am. I intend to live life to its fullest, as long as I am able.

My daughter and I were talking this morning about hair color. I was joking that I turned fifty yesterday and this morning the grey hairs started peeking through my hair color. She said that I should just, "live with it" and allow my hair to turn grey. I don't think so. I'm not ready for that.... I think I will keep coloring it, for now. I know that there will come a time when there is too much grey to cover, and when that time comes, I will have to learn to live with it.

I know that my bones will begin to ache, my energy level will begin to decline, and my ability to do things that I want to will be diminished, but for now.....

50 is just a number......

Happy Birthday to ME!

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_age.html#qQSqmth2Dl0Ohkk6.99

Back to Work

Well, here it is...... Monday morning, after a 5 day break from teaching.

I have enjoyed every minute of the time that I have had. I did not grade one paper, write one lesson plan, or hear from one disappointed student or angry parent.

Instead, the last five days have been spent just lying on the couch watching television, reading an e-book on my Kindle, cooking with family, talking with family, eating with family, and shopping with family.  It has really been FANTASTIC!

I wish I could be as happy about returning to work as those little dwarfs were in the Disney movie.....

Dopey always seemed to have a smile on his face.... even when they headed out to a busy day with their picks to dig in the mines. I may not have Grumpy's permanent scowl this morning, but I just can't bring myself to sing, "It's back to school I go."

I really don't think that my family understands. On Saturday, my daughter and I decided to tackle a few of the after Thanksgiving sales. While traveling from store to store in the car we talked about what to get for this person or that person and the conversation eventually rolled around to me. "I don't know what to get you," she said, "and don't say TIME. You say that every year." My response was, "That's because THAT is really what I want."

She can't really understand what it is like to be at work from 7 until 5 on an almost daily basis and then carry a bag full of papers home when I do leave the building. Sunday afternoons are usually spent writing lesson plans for the coming week, and, on the occasional day off, it is becoming more and more common to be asked to come in for some type of professional meeting.

Don't get me wrong..... I am very thankful to have a job that brings home a substantial paycheck on a regular basis. BUT..... I wish that job wasn't such a full time job. This is year 29 for me, and, over the years, I have seen things change. I always took home papers to grade. I always had a lesson plan rolling around in my head. I always met students and parents out in "the real world". In recent years, however, the demands on my personal time have increased. New computer programs that we are expected to learn and utilize, new trainings that we must attend, and new curriculum that we must educate ourselves about. Add to that the internet and its increased presence in education and our daily lives, and it's all enough to make me want to just flip the pause button so I can have a few minutes to breathe.

I keep telling myself that I will master the ability to have time for both my job and myself..... but I haven't figured it out quite yet....